How Husbands Can Love Like Christ, Ephesians 5:25 Explained
When I, as a husband, ask the Lord to show me how I can reflect His love, Christ’s love in my marriage, I must begin with the clear command of Scripture: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25). This is not a suggestion or a cultural ideal. It is the standard God Himself sets. Christ’s love is the pattern, the measure, and the power for every husband who wants to honor the Lord in his home.
Christ’s love was sacrificial. He did not love the church because she was already pure or easy to love. He loved her and gave Himself up in order to make her holy, cleansing her and presenting her to Himself in glory (Ephesians 5:25–27). That same kind of love is what husbands are called to show. It is not primarily about our feelings or convenience. It is a settled commitment to seek our wife's spiritual and personal flourishing, even when it costs us.
Paul goes further and says husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. “He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28). Just as no one naturally hates his own body but nourishes and cherishes it, a husband is to care for his wife with that same attentive, protective, and tender concern. To nourish means to provide what she needs for life and growth, spiritually, emotionally, and practically. To cherish means to hold her dear, to warm her with affection, honor, and security. When a husband treats his wife this way, he is not performing a duty for someone separate from himself. He is caring for the one who has become one flesh with him (Genesis 2:24).
Scripture also gives a clear warning. Colossians 3:19 says, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” Harshness, irritability, and quiet resentment have no place in a marriage that aims to reflect Christ. Bitterness corrodes trust and grieves the Holy Spirit. Instead, we are called to kindness, patience, and a refusal to keep score (1 Corinthians 13:4–7). Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. That kind of love does not come naturally. It is produced as we walk with Christ and allow His Spirit to shape our responses.
I have learned that reflecting Christ’s love also means leading through service rather than control. On the night before He went to the cross, Jesus washed His disciples’ feet and said, “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example” (John 13:14–15). True spiritual leadership in the home is not about demanding to be served. It is about taking the posture of a servant. A husband who follows Christ will use whatever strength, influence, or resources he has to lift his wife up, not to put her down.
Peter adds another important word: “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife… as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). Understanding requires listening. Honor requires treating her as a fellow heir of grace, not as a subordinate. When a husband fails to live this way, Peter says even his prayers are affected. The way we treat our wives is not a private matter; it is a spiritual one.
Genesis 2:24–25 shows us the depth of the union God designed: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” One flesh means more than physical intimacy. It means a shared life of openness, honesty, and mutual protection. To be “naked and not ashamed” points to a relationship where both husband and wife can be fully known without fear of rejection or exposure. A Christlike husband holds his wife’s heart with care and guards her vulnerabilities as he would his own.
Boaz gives us a beautiful Old Testament picture of this kind of character. Long before he married Ruth, he treated her with protection, respect, and generosity (Ruth 2:8–12). He noticed her faithfulness, spoke kindly to her, and made provision for her safety and needs. His actions revealed a man who feared the Lord and honored those under his care. That same spirit of honor and compassion is what God calls husbands to bring into their own homes.
Practically, reflecting Christ’s love looks like daily choices. It looks like listening when you would rather speak, encouraging when you feel critical, initiating prayer and spiritual conversation, protecting your wife’s dignity in public and private, and repenting quickly when you fail. It means viewing your marriage not as a place to extract comfort, but as a covenant in which you actively participate in your wife’s growth and well-being. The measure of success is not how romantic you feel on a given day, but whether your pattern of life is marked by sacrifice, humility, and faithful care.
Philippians 2:3–4 calls all of us to do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility to count others more significant than ourselves, looking not only to our own interests but also to the interests of others. When a husband lives this way toward his wife, he is walking in the footsteps of Jesus, who “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).
Brothers, if you feel the weight of this calling, that is a good place to start. None of us loves this way perfectly. But Christ does not ask us to produce this love from our own strength. He invites us to abide in Him, to receive His love, and then to let that same love flow through us to the woman He has given us. As we do, our marriages become living testimonies of the gospel, imperfect yet real reflections of how Christ loves His church.
Prayer
Lord Jesus, thank You for showing us what true love looks like through Your sacrifice for the church. Teach us, husbands, to love our wives as You have loved us, with patience, gentleness, humility, and steady devotion. Guard us from harshness and selfishness. Help us nourish and cherish our wives as our own bodies. Make our marriages places of safety, honor, and mutual flourishing that point others to You. In Your name we pray, Amen.
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Book: I Cannot Give You What I Do Not Have: Finding Unconditional Love in Christ
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GQB4MJYW
Study Guide: I Cannot Give You What I Do Not Have: Companion Study Guide: Healing Generational Wounds Through 40 Devotions
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0H33MHYMY
Read the full reflection here: [Substack link]
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