Why Some People Grow Through Struggles—and Why Others Quit Too Soon

Why do some people grow through struggles while others give up? In this opinion, the difference often comes down to what we ascribe to the struggle. Some people see hardship as meaningless punishment, and they collapse under it. Others, sometimes with the same pain, and sometimes with even worse pain, eventually begin to see that the struggle can produce something in them that comfort never could. That does not mean suffering is good. It means God can use what is painful to build something that lasts. I also want to say this carefully: this is not true in the same way for every person or every situation. Across history, many people tragically end their suffering by ending their lives. Others survive and then turn around and help people who are drowning because they do not want anyone else to suffer the way they suffered. 

 

1) What “Struggle” Does To Us Depends On What We Believe It Means 

Most of us do not feel a sense of growth while we are in the middle of a trial. We feel alone. We feel stuck. We feel like tomorrow will be the same as today, as it was yesterday. That hopeless loop is one of the first warning signs that a person is giving up on the inside. But Scripture gives us a different framework: trials test faith, and testing produces patience (James 1:2–4). And Paul lays it out like a chain reaction: tribulation produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope (Rom 5:3–5). That hope is not make-believe. It is rooted in God’s love being poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Rom 5:5). When I can see my trial through that lens, I stop interpreting pain as “God forgot me,” and I start seeing it as training, sometimes slow, sometimes painful like a Father shaping His child (Heb 12:7–11). 

 

2) Why Some People Give Up: Drift Starts Before The Fall 

Giving up can look like a person taking their life, and that is heartbreaking. But giving up can also look like someone numbing out, isolating, turning cold, or walking away from God because they believe God is no longer interested in them personally. A lot of times the drift begins with simple neglect: I stop praying. I stop taking in the Word. I stop fellowshipping with believers. Then doubt grows because I am not feeding truth. And once doubt takes root, deception is not far behind (Heb 3:12–14). Sin hardens. Hopelessness thickens. The person starts living by sight rather than by faith (2 Cor 4:16–18). Jesus even warned that some receive the Word with joy, but because there is no root, they endure only a while; then tribulation comes, and they stumble (Matt 13:20–21). 

 

3) Why Some People Grow: Identity And Meaning Keep Them Standing 

I believe perspective and identity are huge. Many believers do not understand who we are in Christ, what He has accomplished for us, and what it means that God calls us His and that He is not finished with us. That is where the accuser gains ground, because we start believing we are disqualified instead of disciplined, rejected instead of refined. But Scripture keeps pulling us back: God knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold (Job 23:10). And sometimes the affliction itself becomes a teacher: “It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.” (Ps 119:71). Paul says outwardly we may be perishing, but inwardly we can be renewed day by day (2 Cor 4:16). And when we stop staring only at what is seen, we remember that what is unseen is eternal (2 Cor 4:17–18). That is not denial. That is direction. 

 

4) Expectations Can Crush Us—Or They Can Be Surrendered 

Expectations are some of the most damaging thoughts we allow into our minds. People-pleasing makes us chase acceptance like a hamster on a wheel. Even worse, we chase our own impossible standards, thinking, “If I achieve this one thing, then I’ll be okay.” And when we finally reach it, we move the goalpost again. The biblical view steadies me because it tells me plainly: hardship is part of this life, but Christ does not leave us alone in it. Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). And God’s grace does not show up only after I become strong. It shows up in weakness (2 Cor 12:9–10). 

 

5) Community Is Not Optional For Endurance 

We are not meant to endure alone. The Bible says Exhort one another daily so we are not hardened by the deceitfulness of sin (Heb 3:12–14). Some people make it because they stay connected to people who genuinely care for them and pull them back to truth when their thinking gets dark. Others isolate, and isolation becomes the place where lies sound like wisdom. 

 

6) What I Want To Say To The Person Who Feels Like Quitting 

If you are at that place right now, I want to speak plainly: it is almost always too early to quit. Patience does not feel spiritual when we are in pain, but patience is where faith becomes real. God gives power to the weak, and those who wait on the Lord renew strength (Isa 40:29–31). And if you have fallen, I want you to hear this: “Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” (Ps 37:23–24). A righteous man may fall seven times and rise again (Prov 24:16). That is not permission to live carelessly. That is a reason not to drown in despair. 

Here is what I believe: all of life is preparation for the opportunity to be used of God for His glory and purposes. And to be used by God for His glory is one of man’s greatest honors. 

Is it Rational to Believe in God?

Is It Rational to Believe in God? A Plain Answer for People Who Want Something Sensible

 

Yes, I believe it is rational to believe in God, especially when I compare it to the alternative. In my mind, it takes more faith to believe that everything we see came from nothing, that order came from chaos, and that human beings are just random accidents with no real meaning. The Bible pushes back on that thinking and says creation itself is already “speaking” if we will slow down and listen (Ps 19:1–4). Paul says the same thing: what can be known of God is “clearly seen” in what has been made (Rom 1:19–22). And I also want to say this plainly: the word “rational” matters here. When most people ask this question, they are not asking for a religious pep talk. They are asking if belief in God is reasonable, logical, and sensible. I believe it is. 

 

What I Mean By “Rational” 

When someone says “Is it rational,” I hear: “Is it reasonable to believe this? Does it make sense? Can I hold this belief without checking my brain at the door?” Scripture never tells us to shut our minds off. God literally says, “Come now, and let us reason together” (Isa 1:18). We are also told to be ready to give a reason for our hope, but with meekness and fear, not arrogance (1 Pet 3:15). That means Christianity is not scared of questions. Also, the Bible doesn’t treat unbelief as “superior intelligence.” It calls it spiritual blindness and moral darkness when we refuse to glorify God or be thankful (Rom 1:21–22). That does not mean every unbeliever is stupid. It means the human heart can be deeply resistant to the truth, even while the mind tries to sound sophisticated. 

 

Evidence, Certainty, And The Faith We All Live By 

One thing I try to say without attacking anyone is this: we all live by faith every day. Not “religious faith,” but trust. I sit in a chair, unable to explain engineering. I get on a plane without understanding the physics of lift. I trust what I have seen to be reliable. Over time, evidence builds certainty even when I do not understand every invisible law at work. The Bible teaches something similar about God: faith is not pretending. Faith is responding to what is true. “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God” (Rom 10:17). And Hebrews says that if I come to God at all, I must believe He is and that He rewards those who diligently seek Him (Heb 11:6). That is not blind faith. That is relational trust based on what God reveals. 

 

Common-Sense Reasons I Believe God Exists 

For me, it starts with the obvious things we all live inside of every day: Creation and design. The heavens declare God’s glory (Ps 19:1–4). When I look at the moon and the stars and realize I am tiny, the question is not whether something is there; it is what kind of Someone is behind it (Ps 8:3–4). Job even says, “Ask the beasts… speak to the earth… who does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this?” (Job 12:7–10). 

Conscience and moral law. Even people who deny God still argue about right and wrong. Romans says the work of the law is written on the heart, and conscience bears witness (Rom 2:14–15). That matters, because if we are only accidents, why does “should” even exist? Why do human rights matter? Why does evil feel evil? 

Purpose and eternity. Ecclesiastes says God put eternity in our hearts (Eccles 3:11). That is exactly what we experience. We can eat, work, earn, buy, and still feel empty. Something in us is crying out that there is more than this. 

 

The Hardest Obstacle: Unanswered Prayer And God’s Timing 

If I am honest, one of the biggest “rational” struggles is unanswered prayer. But I do not interpret unanswered prayer as “God is absent.” I interpret it as: God is God, and I am not. Sometimes I ask for things I do not understand. Sometimes I ask for things that would actually harm me. Sometimes I ask for things that would only feed my flesh. James says people can ask “amiss,” wanting to spend it on their pleasures. That is a real issue. So what does God do? He shapes us. He leads us to trust Him, not just use Him. And He invites us to seek Him with our whole heart (Jer 29:13; Deut 4:29). Jesus Himself said, “Ask… seek… knock” (Matt 7:7–8). Not because God enjoys withholding, but because relationship is deeper than instant results. 

 

Jesus Christ: Not An Idea, A Person In History 

For me, this is where it becomes even more rational. Christianity is not just “God exists.” Christianity says God stepped into history in the Person of Jesus Christ. When I look at Jesus His life, His words, His authority, His compassion, His miracles, His endurance at the cross I do not see a mere teacher. I see someone who lived like He knew where He came from and where He was going. And prophecy matters to me here. The Bible is not shy about saying God knows the end from the beginning. Jesus’ life aligns with what God had promised long before. That is part of why I cannot dismiss Scripture lightly. Even Thomas needed to see. Jesus met him where he was, then said something that still pierces me: “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29). And then Jesus’ resurrection did not remain private; His disciples preached openly, at cost to themselves. That matters. 

 

Evil, Suffering, And The Value Of Free Will 

People often say, “If God is real, why is there evil?” I understand that question. But here is what I believe: love requires choice, and choice requires the possibility of rebellion. God did not create us as robots. Our free will and our temptations reveal what we truly love. Yet even in suffering, God does not abandon us. He forms endurance, character, and hope. And He promises the day will come when what is temporary will be swallowed up by what is eternal. That is why I can say this: I can survive the evil of this world, with God’s help, and I can still trust Him. Evil is not proof God is absent. It is proof something is broken, and we need redemption. 

 

A Personal Word From Me 

When I look at my own life, I do not deserve to be alive, but I am. And because I am, I feel a responsibility to speak about what God has done in me and through me. I may not be everything I want to be, but I am not what I once was. So yes, belief in God is rational to me, because the alternative cannot explain conscience, love, meaning, purpose, or the deep hunger in us for eternity. And the gospel does not just explain life. It changes lives. If you truly want to test this, Scripture says, “Test all things; hold fast what is good” (1 Thess 5:21). Acts praises the Bereans because they searched the Scriptures daily to find out whether things were so (Acts 17:11). God is not threatened by honest seeking.  

How Can I Make Sure That My Commitment To Christ Remains Firm?

Staying Firm When I’m Not Perfect: How I Keep My Commitment to Christ 

 

If I’m honest, the struggle for all of us is that we fall short of the ideal we see in the life of Christ. I look at Jesus, and I see what firm, steady, faithful obedience looks like. And then I look at myself, and I feel the gap. Part of why that gap feels so heavy is because Jesus was not just “a better version of me.” Jesus is God manifest in the flesh. He lived a perfect life, and while He experienced real temptation, He was not ruled by a sinful nature the way we are. He came from the Father, lived with full clarity of His purpose, and returned to the Father. That matters. 

Meanwhile, we are born in sin, we still wear a body of sinful flesh, and even though the Holy Spirit indwells us, we can still be weak, forgetful, and easily led astray. That reality is not an excuse, but a sober explanation of why hypocrisy weighs so heavily on our conscience. When the Spirit convicts us, we feel it, because we know our words and our life are not always aligned (Prov 4:23). So when I ask, “How do I keep my commitment firm?” I’m not asking how to become sinless overnight. I’m asking how to stay steady, how to keep getting back up, how to stop drifting, and how to live one life in private and in public. 

 

What “Firm” Really Means In Real Life 

For me, “firm” means my life is not divided. I don’t want a version of me for church, a version of me for my family, a version of me for my friends, and a version of me when nobody is watching. I want alignment. I want the integrity of the upright to guide me (Prov 11:3). I want my commitment to look like consistency, imperfect but real. Scripture doesn’t define firmness as never being tested. It defines firmness as being rooted, built up, and established(Col 2:6–7), steadfast and immovable (1 Cor 15:58), holding fast without wavering because God is faithful (Heb 10:23), and continuing in the faith, grounded and steadfast (Col 1:23). 

 

The Early Warning Signs Of Drift 

Before the “big fall,” the drift usually begins quietly. 

For me, the warning signs are simple: 

·      Prayer starts fading. 

·      The Word starts fading. 

·      Fellowship starts fading. 

And then my inner life starts going soft. That’s how sin becomes deceitful. That’s why Scripture warns us about “an evil heart of unbelief in departing from the living God,” and why it tells us to exhort one another “Today,” so we don’t get hardened (Heb 3:12–14). Drift hardens us slowly, then we wake up wondering how we got so far away from Christ. 

 

What Triggers The Drift 

A lot of times it’s not some grand rebellion. It’s the daily pressures that wear us down. I use a simple tool: HALT: hungry, angry, lonely, tired. When I’m living there, my thinking gets weak. And when my thinking weakens, my choices weaken. That’s why Scripture keeps pulling us back to watching, standing fast, being brave, and being strong (1 Cor 16:13). Not in our own strength, but in the Lord (Eph 6:10–18). 

 

Weakness Vs. A Pattern Of Compromise 

A moment of weakness is real, but a pattern of compromise is what happens when I stop disciplining my life around the new man in me. Old patterns don’t disappear just because I believe. They have grooves. They were trained into me for years. And if I don’t replace them, I return to the path of least resistance: forgetfulness. James warns about that exact problem: hearing, then walking away, then forgetting (James 1:22–25). Jesus says the same thing: the house stands when I hear His words and do them, and it falls when I hear and don’t do them (Matt 7:24–27). That’s why my commitment stays firm only when my daily life has continuance, not intensity for a week, but steady obedience over time (Josh 1:8; Ps 1:1–3). 

 

Abiding Is The Center Of Staying Firm 

For me, the most practical truth in this whole discussion is Jesus’ command: “Abide in Me” (John 15:4–7). Abiding is not mystical. It’s daily connection. 

• Staying in His Word (John 8:31–32; Ps 119:11) 
• Staying in prayer (Acts 2:42) 
• Staying in fellowship (Heb 10:23–25) 
• Staying honest when I’m tempted to drift into self-deception (James 1:22–25) 

Jesus says it plainly: without Him I can do nothing (John 15:4–7). So if I want a firm commitment, I stop pretending I can run on empty and still stand strong. 

 

Fighting The Real Battle 

If I forget the battle, I lose the war. Scripture doesn’t say I’m wrestling mainly with my schedule, my moods, or my circumstances. It says there’s a spiritual battle, and I must put on the whole armor of God so I can stand (Eph 6:10–18). And it says I must be sober and vigilant because the enemy wants to devour me so I resist him steadfast in the faith (1 Pet 5:8–9). A firm commitment is not built by good intentions. It’s built by alertness, resistance, endurance, and daily dependence. 

 

What I Do When I Fail 

This is where I want to be very clear. I do not keep my commitment firm by pretending I never fall. I keep it firm by refusing to quit. Paul said it: “Not that I have already attained… but I press on” (Phil 3:12–14). That’s my life. I press on. I get up. I keep moving. And when I’m tempted to sit in discouragement, I remember Hebrews: I lay aside every weight and the sin that ensnares, and I run with endurance looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith (Heb 12:1–3). That is where my confidence belongs. Not in my perfection, but in His faithfulness (Heb 10:23; Phil 1:6). 

 

What “Small Obedience” Looks Like Right Now 

Sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do is the next faithful step. 

·      Continue in the things I’ve learned (2 Tim 3:14–17) 

·      Keep building up my faith through prayer (Jude 20–21) 

·      Keep myself in the love of God (Jude 20–21) 

·      Keep doing the work the Lord has put in front of me, knowing it is not in vain (1 Cor 15:58) 

·      Stay connected to believers, because isolation is where drift grows (Heb 10:23–25) 

·      And I keep asking God to renew my mind so I don’t get conformed to the world again (Rom 12:1–2). 

 

The sentence I want you to walk away with is this: No matter how hard we fall, no matter how muddy we get, the one thing we must do is get up, brush ourselves off, look to Christ, and keep moving forward. Don’t quit. 

 

Check out my Book for further encouragement. 

I Cannot Give You What I Do Not Have: Finding Unconditional Love in Christ

 

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