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Tuesday, January 24, 2023

The Doctrine of Progressive Sanctification by Paul David Tripp

 The Doctrine of Progressive Sanctification by Paul David Tripp[1]

 

Redemptive Relationships

 

Pg. 120

When we forget the call to incarnate the love of Christ, we take our relationships as our own. Soon they are governed by our pleasure, comfort, and ease. We get irritated at people who interfere with these things, and much of our anger is due to the fact that we are relationship thieves. People do not belong to us; they belong to God! Relationships are not primarily for our fulfillment. On the contrary, relationships between sinners are messy, difficult, labor-intensive, and demanding, but in that, they are designed to result in God’s glory and our good as he is worshiped, and our hearts are changed. Effective personal ministry begins when we confess that we have taken relationships that belong to God and used them for our own selfish purposes.

When we have confessed and repented, we are ready to ask what role our relationships can play in the work Christ wants to do. If the relationships God gives us are not mere luxuries for our own happiness, what is God’s plan for them? This brings us to the Love function in personal ministry. God’s relationship with us is loving and redemptive, and he wants our relationships to mirror those qualities. This means at least three things:

 

1.      He has a higher goal for our relationships than our personal happiness.

2.      He wants our relationships to be the context for the change he works in and through us.

3.      We need to build relationships that encourage this work of change.

 

We can understand this by considering the way Christ works in our own lives. Scripture uses three words to describe his work: justification, adoption, and sanctification. (See Figure 7.1.)

 

Pg. 121

Fig. 7.1

The Relational Foundation for Ministry: Salvation as Our Model.

Justification and adoption explain how we enter into relationship with God. In justification by faith, God declares me to be righteous based on the perfect life, death, and resurrection of Christ. In justification, Christ’s righteousness is legally credited to my account. Justification removes the sin that separates me from God and gives me Christ’s righteousness, making me acceptable to God and enabling me to have a relationship with him.

 

Pg. 122

Adoption also involves my relationship with God. God not only justifies me, but he also adopts me; he welcomes me into his family with all the rights and privileges of a son. Justification and adoption give me a full and complete relationship with God.

As a result of justification and adoption, am I okay? This is a bit of a trick question. If you are talking about my standing or relationship with God, the answer is “yes.” Nothing needs to be added to Jesus’ work. I don’t need to do anything else to secure God’s acceptance. It is a gift of his grace.

But if you are talking about my condition as a person, the answer is “no.” I still struggle with sin daily, and radical change still needs to take place in me so that I can be and do what God has planned. Unlike justification and adoption, which are events, this work of personal transformation is a process—a process called sanctification. Sanctification is the process by which God actually makes me what he legally declared me to be in justification—holy.

This framework sheds light on the ministry God has given each one of us. God doesn’t justify and adopt me because I am okay, but precisely because I am not okay. He knows that lasting change will take place in me only when I am living in a personal relationship with him. In his magnificent love, he makes that relationship a reality. Only those who have a relationship with God through justification and adoption will undergo the radical change process of progressive sanctification. Without the relationship, there is no personal change. Our relationship with God is the beginning of our salvation, not the end; a necessity, not a luxury.

As christ’s ambassadors, we, too, must begin by building relationships of love, grace, and trust with others. This is the covenantal view of change we considered earlier. Like the relationship God establishes with us through Christ, the relationships we build provide the context for his continuing work of change.

When we see God’s work in us as the model for our work for him, three practical principles emerge:

 

Pg. 123

1.      God’s redemptive activity always takes place within relationships.

2.      God’s first step in changing us is to draw us into a relationship with him.

3.      Our relationships are essential to the work God is completing in us and in others.

 

This is why our relationships do not belong to us; they belong to the Lord and are holy. God uses them to prepare a people for himself. These everyday relationships are essential to the plan of personal transformation ordained before the world began. God daily gives us opportunities to serve the troubled, angry, discouraged, defeated, confused, and blind. This is the way he works, and he calls each of his children to be part of it.

This view of our relationships must transform the way we respond to one another. A tense discussion about disappointments in marriage is more than a time of searing honesty between a husband and a wife. God is at work, revealing both their hearts. He is using the relationship to transform them both. If the couple remembers this, they will respond to each other in ways remarkably different from their normal pattern. But if their only goal is their own personal happiness, each spouse will say, “I want my partner to see how unhappy I am and to try harder to make me happy.” If they both have this goal, the conversation will be nothing more than a self-centered war for personal happiness. They may claim to love each other, but at the level of their heart’s desires, both wife and husband are committed only to getting what they want out of the other person.

 

Pg. 124

If this conversation takes place between two people who want to be part of God’s work of transformation (sanctification), things dramatically change. It begins with their attitudes. When they think of each other only from a horizontal perspective, they are discouraged, hopeless, and cynical. After all, they have done everything they can think of to get the other person to shape up, but nothing has worked. But when they are aware that God is present with his own redemptive purpose, they have every reason for hope. Yes, they are at the end of themselves, but the Redeemer is active in all of his power and glory. He has been changing them and will continue to do so. There is every reason to believe that he is up to something good in this marital difficulty.

Viewing this moment redemptively will also change their posture. In the horizontal model, they stand opposed to each other as enemies with competing agendas. They battle to ensure that their will prevails. From a redemptive standpoint, husband and wife stand on the same side. They ultimately want God’s will to be done in their marriage. They are not threatened by the presence of an enemy (each other); on the contrary, they know that they are members of the same family. Their Father has their highest good in mind. He will not forsake one in order to lovingly transform the other. So they do not have to compete and do not have to win. They can be gently and peacefully honest about their relationship because they have forsaken their own agenda for the Lord’s.

Does this sound unrealistic? Have we slipped so far from God’s purposes for relationships that we can’t conceive of doing this? When you study what the New Testament says about relationships, this is the model that emerges. For example, what is God’s goal for your parenting? It goes way beyond clean rooms, good manners, proper dress, the right college, a good career, and marrying well. In all these things, God calls parents to work toward something deeper and more lasting. Paul captures it in Ephesians 6 when he calls parents to bring their children up in the “training and instruction of the Lord.” This radically changes the parental agenda. Gone is the horizontal focus. The call is to be part of God’s work of heart transformation—to help the child change from a self-absorbed sinner to one who loves God above all else. Paul’s model of parenting is distinctly redemptive, but when parents forget that moments of difficulty are moments of redemption, they stand in the way of what the Lord is doing.

 

Pg. 125

Or take this model to a more formal counseling context. A person asks to talk with you about a complicated situation. You can see that she is very discouraged—almost paralyzed. What should your goal be? It is wonderful to offer wisdom that clarifies confusion and makes the situation bearable. It is grace to offer her understanding, comfort, and hope. It is good to function as her advocate where appropriate. But a deeper focus must shape this counseling moment.

God is continuing his work of transformation in this woman’s heart and life. He has brought her to the end of herself, revealing the fruit of her choices and behavior. He is in the process of revealing her heart. His goal is that she would be conformed to the image of his Son, one step freer from her bondage to the creation, and one step closer to the freedom of worshiping the Creator. His goal is that he would consistently rule her thoughts and motives; that, increasingly, her identity would be rooted in him rather than in the arid soil of personal achievement or the acceptance of others. Timidity and cynicism would give way to courage and hope rooted in his presence, power, love, and grace. God’s goal is deeper than emotional and situational change. It is nothing less than personal transformation.[2]

 

11 The Goals of Speaking the Truth in Love

From the moment she entered my office, it was clear that Sally was ready for a fight. She glared her way into the room and made tense small talk with me until I prayed. I was the principal of the Christian school her daughter attended, and I had asked Sally and her husband to come and talk about the difficulties her daughter was having at school. I was there as a friend and ally. I was actually quite fond of her daughter, and I was concerned that somehow we were missing an opportunity to help her.

I made my first statement, trying to be affirming and warm as I described the difficulties we were experiencing. To my surprise, Sally yelled back at me, accusing me of not loving her daughter and wanting only to rid the school of its “problems.” I tried again to quietly share my love and concern, only to have Sally yell at me again, this time sitting forward in her seat and moving closer to my desk. I made one more attempt to help her understand that I was not accusing her daughter (or Sally herself) of anything; my purpose was to share my concerns and look for solutions. As she began to shout a third time, Sally’s husband grabbed her knee and said, “Dear, he is not fighting with you.”

Sally looked at me for a moment as if she were disoriented. She mumbled, “I’m sorry. I just hate these kinds of meetings. I was sure you were going to tell us what bad parents we are.” Perhaps Sally isn’t too unusual. Perhaps many of us approach moments of truth, speaking with fear and dread. Perhaps for many of us, words like confrontation and rebuke conjure up images that look like anything but love. Sally had obviously been hurt in previous confrontations and this time had been prepared to defend herself.

 

Pg. 200

Rebuke is the word the Bible uses for bringing truth to where change is needed, yet most of us don’t react positively when we hear it. For example, if I called you one night and said that I would like to come over the next morning to rebuke you, how would you respond? Would you run to a friend and say, “The most wonderful thing is going to happen to me tomorrow! Paul is coming over to rebuke me. I can’t wait! It has been so long since I’ve been rebuked.” That would not likely be your reaction. Many of us would rather go to the dentist and be drilled without Novocain. When we think of rebuke, we think of harsh words, red faces, ultimatums, and threats. We don’t think of an act of patience and committed love. So it is important to consider what a biblical model of rebuke looks like. It is part of the Speak component of personal ministry, and we need to know what “speaking the truth in love” is all about.

Leviticus 19:15–18 discusses God’s intentions for this aspect of relationships and personal ministry.

×          Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.

×          Do not go about spreading slander among your people.

×          Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord.

×          Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt.

×          Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

The principles of this passage provide a starting point for a biblical understanding of confrontation.

 

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Confrontation is rooted in a submission to the First Great Command. This command calls us to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matt. 22:37). Twice the Leviticus passage says, “I am the Lord.” God intends confrontation to be an expression of our submission to him in our relationships with others. From God’s perspective, the only reason we confront one another is that we love the Lord and want to obey him. Our failure to confront one another biblically must be seen for what it is: something rooted in our tendency to run after god-replacements. We confront unbiblically (or not at all) because we love something else more than God. Perhaps we love our relationship with this person so much that we don’t want to risk it. Perhaps we prefer to avoid the personal sacrifice and complications that confrontation may involve. Perhaps we love peace, respect, and appreciation more than we should. Here is the principle: To the degree that we give the love of our hearts to someone or something else, to that degree, we lose our primary motive to confront. But if we love God above all else, confrontation is an extension and expression of that love.

First John teaches us (3:11–20; 4:7–21) that one of the most reliable indicators of our love for God is the quality of our love for our neighbor. The foundation of the Second Great Command is the First Great Command—you cannot love your neighbor as yourself if you do not first love God above all else. Our willingness to gossip, to live in anger, and trim the truth reveals something deeper than a lack of love for people. It exposes a lack of love for God. We no longer serve as his ambassadors in relationships but use them for our own purposes. They become places where our needs can be met. Then, because we are afraid to lose what we crave, we live in silence as our neighbor steps outside God’s boundaries.

Love for God is the only reliable foundation for a ministry of truth-speaking. Any other motivation distorts the process. We cannot come in anger, frustration, or a spirit of vengeance. We come because we love God and speak on his behalf to someone who may be wandering away. Confrontation has little to do with us. It is all about the Lord, motivated by a desire to draw people back into close, obedient, and loving communion with him.

 

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Confrontation is rooted in the Second Great Command, which calls us to “love your neighbor as yourself (Matt. 22:39). Isn’t it interesting that the Old Testament call to love your neighbor as yourself is tied to this call to frank rebuke? A rebuke free of unrighteous anger is a clear sign of biblical love, but I am afraid we have replaced love in our relationships with being “nice.” Being nice and acting out of love is not the same thing. Our culture puts a high premium on being tolerant and polite. We seek to avoid uncomfortable moments, so we see but do not speak. We go so far as to convince ourselves that we are not speaking because we love the other person when in reality, we fail to speak because we lack love.

Please don’t misunderstand. True love is not offensively intrusive or rude. But the Bible repudiates covering sin with a facade of silence. It teaches that those who love will speak, even if it creates tense, upsetting moments. If we love people and want God’s best for them, how can we stand by as they wander away? How can we let them deceive themselves with excuses, blame, and rationalizations? How can we watch them get more and more enslaved by the fleeting pleasures of sin? How can we let a sufferer add to his suffering by the way he responds to his own experience? True love is neither idle nor timid. It is other-centered and active.

The truth is that we fail to confront, not because we love others too much, but because we love ourselves too much. We fear others misunderstanding us or being angry with us. We are afraid of what others will think. We don’t want to endure the hardships of honesty because we love ourselves more than we love our neighbors. Yet we know that the depth of love in a relationship can be judged by the degree of honesty that exists. Biblical rebuke is motivated by the Second Great Command.

Confrontation is our moral responsibility in every relationship. The passage says, “Rebuke your neighbor frankly.” This call extends beyond the borders of formal counseling, discipleship, and ministry relationships. It is a call to respond to all who live near us. Rebuke is not something that exists outside a good relationship, brought in only at crisis moments. The Bible presents confrontation as one of the cords of a strong relationship, a normal part of the interaction that makes the relationship what it is.

 

Pg. 203

Often when people hear the words rebuke and confrontation, they think of a radical moment of truth-telling, a long list of stern indictments against a person who is significantly rebellious or who has tragically wandered away. Yet the model here is ongoing honesty in an ongoing relationship. Rather than one big moment of confrontation, the model here is many mini-moments of confrontation. The biblical model recognizes that as we live and work with others, our hearts will be progressively exposed. It calls us to deal with whatever God reveals as he reveals it. In each small moment of truth-speaking, the progress of sin is retarded and spiritual growth is encouraged. The model in Leviticus fits perfectly with the progressive sanctification model of growth and ministry that the New Testament presents. Here, too, problems are addressed while still in their infancy before they mature into tragic consequences.

Notice also that the passage says, “… so that you will not share in his guilt.” There could be no clearer statement of our moral responsibility. Each of our relationships must be pursued in absolute submission to the will and way of the Lord. We have been called to serve as ambassadors of the One who is Lord of every relationship. We must never function as mini-kings, setting our own rules and pursuing our own way.

Rebuke does not mean that our love is conditional. However, the self-sacrificing love of this passage exists at the intersection of patient grace and intolerance for sin. This means that I love you, and I will not walk away from you at the first sign of weakness or sin. I will extend to you the same grace I have received. At the same time, however, my love for you does not close its eyes to wrongdoing. It does not stay silent while sin is allowed to grow. The love I am called to extend is the love of the cross of Christ, which stands at the intersection of God’s grace and his complete intolerance of sin. His intolerance does not cause God to move away. He moves toward me in redemptive love so that someday I will stand before him without sin. This is what we are called to embody in our relationships. Anything less is to be a moral accomplice in the sin.

 

Pg. 204

How many sermons have you heard on the immorality of self-absorbed silence? How often have you viewed your unwillingness to confront as an act of rebellion in itself? Have you ever considered how often you have chosen to be silent when God was calling you to be part of his rescue effort? We are called to accept moral responsibility for the things God reveals to us about others. To refuse to speak is to rebel against the Lord we say we love and serve.

Having said this, I should note that this passage does not give you permission to live as if you were someone else’s conscience. It does not call you to a self-righteousness that displays a rude and judgmental spirit. This passage repudiates all those things. It is a neighbor-to-neighbor passage. It does not assume two classes of people, the “rebukers” and the “neighbors.” The rebukers are the neighbors, and the neighbors are the rebukers. As a neighbor, I live in desperate need of the loving restraint God gives me through my neighbors. And as a neighbor, I am called to serve others the same way. As long as indwelling sin remains, we all need help, and we all need to help others. Sinners minister to sinners with the help of God.

Confrontation is meant to be more of a lifestyle than an unusual event. Confrontation is difficult when it is not a normal part of our experience. Sometimes it is so rare that we lack the necessary understanding, expectations, and skills. Instead, we fumble and fail, only making people dread the next time, like Sally. But from the Bible’s perspective, a good relationship always grows in its ability to recognize, confront, and deal with the truth. Each time we speak the truth, we grow in our understanding of our calling and our skill in carrying it out.

Often there is so little honest conversation between parents and teenagers that moments of rebuke are extremely uncomfortable. At one point in our family, there were important things we needed to discuss with our daughter. We decided to make weekly appointments to talk with her about them. The first time was very difficult, but each time got easier. Soon the ground we gained spilled over into our informal conversations. All our interactions began to be more comfortable and honest. This passage envisions a “constant conversation” model where the daily intervention of honest rebuke is a regular part of all relationships.

 

Pg. 205

There is also a payoff for more formal discipleship and counseling situations. The person who has made honest, humble, loving rebuke a part of his daily relationships (as a giver and a receiver) will be clear and comfortable when he confronts a person in a more structured setting. The skills of family leadership and ministry also make us effective in the church of Christ. Perhaps we confront poorly or not at all because we do not have a ministry mentality or communication maturity at home. If we have avoided confrontation or been more angry than constructive in our rebukes, how can we expect to be ready when God gives us opportunities in the church?

We fail to confront in love because we have yielded to subtle and passive forms of hatred. Embedded in the passage is a contrast between love and hatred. If you tried to illustrate this passage, it would look like this: At the center is a high plateau of love based on a commitment to honest rebuke. On either side is a dark valley of hatred. One is the valley of passive hatred, and the other is the valley of active hatred. Both are temptations, and both are wrong! Leviticus 19 is clear that we must find a way to lovingly confront sin when we see it in others. If we fail to do so, we cannot console ourselves by saying, “Perhaps I am not loving this person as God wants me to, but at least I do not hate him!” There is no neutral ground between love and hatred. Our response to the sins of others is either motivated by Second Great Command love or by some form of hatred.

One subtle form of hatred is favoritism, granting favor to some but refusing it to others because of a standard we have set up in our own minds. It may be based on economic status, physical appearance, race or ethnicity, doctrinal differences, self-righteousness, revulsion over particular sins, or something else. Some people live outside the circle of our favor (and, therefore, our ministry) simply because of who they are. This can even happen in families. I fear that there is much more hatred in our families and churches than we think.

 

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A second form of passive hatred is bearing a grudge. We keep a record of what someone has done against us. We go over it again and again, each time growing more angry and giving ourselves more reason to despise the offender. Our anger grows even when no further sin has been committed; it becomes the interpretive grid through which we assess everything the person does. No matter what he does, he cannot do anything right in our eyes. Everything is distorted by the anger and bitterness through which we view it, destroying any possibility of dealing with sin in a godly way.

This passage does not offer an exhaustive discussion of passive hatred, but it does warn us of the myth of “neutral ground” and indicate what passive hatred looks like. We are constantly dealing with the sins of others, as they are with us. The issue is whether our responses are motivated by biblical love or by self-righteous, prejudiced, and grudge-bearing hatred.

We fail to confront it because we have yielded to more active forms of hatred. Here we not only act as the judge but as the jailer and executioner as well. This passage says that there are three ways our hatred actively reveals itself: injustice, gossip, and revenge. All three have been present in all of our lives at some point, and all three responses destroy or at least distort the biblical ministry of rebuke. God ordained rebuke to restrain sin until our redemption is complete. We either position ourselves to be part of that work, or we stand in the way.

Injustice perverts God’s system of restraint. It doesn’t protect, correct, or restrain the sinner. It hurts and mistreats him.

Gossip doesn’t lead a person to make a humble confession before God or others. When I gossip, I confess the sin of another person to someone who is not involved. Gossip doesn’t restrain sin; it encourages it. It doesn’t build someone’s character; it destroys his reputation. Gossip doesn’t lead a person to humble insight; it produces anger and defensiveness.

Revenge is the opposite of ministry. Ministry is motivated by a desire for someone’s good; revenge is motivated by a desire to harm him. We have forsaken our call to bring the person to the Lord so that he can see himself as he really is and given ourselves instead to a quest to settle the score.

 

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What is so terribly serious about all this is that we have been called to incarnate the glory of Christ’s love on earth—to love as he has loved us so that people would know we are his disciples. The ultimate apologetic for the reality of the gospel is the loving unity of the body of Christ, a unity so deep, resilient, and pervasive that it can only be compared to the unity of the Trinity. (See John 13–17.) Our call is to find satisfaction in our relationships, not because people please us, but because we delight in displaying God’s love to a hopeless world.

What a difference it makes to see that being sinned against is not an occasion for vengeance but for God to be revealed! Instead of assuming God’s position as judge, we ask how we can incarnate his love to the people involved in the hurtful situation. Too often, we forget that there is nothing more wonderful than to be Christ’s ambassador. We participate in the most important work of the universe.

We can do this because sin’s mastery over us has been broken as we have been united with Christ’s life, death, and resurrection (Rom. 6:1–14) and indwelt by a Holy Spirit who battles the flesh on our behalf (Gal. 5:16–26; Rom. 8:1–11). Because of this, we can say “no” to powerful emotions (passions) and compelling desires (Gal. 5:24) and turn in a new direction. We do not have to give the parts of our body to favoritism, grudges, gossip, injustice, and revenge. Rather, we can offer ourselves to the Lord for his use. The cross of Christ not only provides redemption but the resources we need to be part of his work.

Confrontation flows out of a recognition of our identity as the children of God. The passage repeats the phrase, “I am the Lord.” It reminds us that we have been chosen by him, and our lives are no longer our own. Everything we are and have belongs to him, and we will find our greatest joy in relationships when we recognize that they, too, belong to him. We are the Lord’s. They are the Lord’s. The situation is the Lord’s. Loving confrontation is rooted in an awareness that we are God’s children, and our goal is to be active in his purposes for us. To do less is to forget who we are.

 

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Proper biblical confrontation is never motivated by impatience, frustration, hurt, or anger but is one way God prevents these things from damaging our relationships. Failure to make loving rebuke part of our relationships gives the Devil a huge opportunity. I have met many couples who have lost all the tenderness, appreciation, patience, respect, sensitivity, and romance in their relationship. These precious commodities had been destroyed by a failure to confront sin biblically. Their marriages had become a cycle of accusation, recrimination, and revenge. Bitterness and anger had sucked the life out of their love until the spouses could barely remember what once attracted them to each other. They never intended it, but their refusal to confront sin in God’s way and their daily habit of devouring each other had gutted their relationship. The sweet, hopeful couple of the past had become two isolated, angry, and hopeless people who wanted out of their marriage.

A humble, honest lifestyle of rebuke protects us from ourselves. As sinners living with sinners, we need something to retard the progress of sin in our relationships. Early in our marriage Luella and I decided that we would not let the sun go down on our anger (Eph. 4:26). We promised each other that we would not go to bed angry. At first, we would lie in bed, propping our eyes open, waiting for the other person to ask for forgiveness so that we wouldn’t have to. But as time went on, we saw how this principle restrained our sin, strengthened our relationship, protected our love, and matured us both. We have been married for over thirty years, and we are still sinners, yet we love each other more than ever, and we don’t carry yesterday’s baggage into today’s encounters. On each anniversary, we thank the Lord for rescuing us from ourselves.

 

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Confrontation does not force a person to deal with you but places him before the Lord. The most important encounter in confrontation is not the person’s encounter with you but with Christ. Rebuke does not force a person to face your judgment; it gives him an opportunity to do business with God. It is motivated by a desire for the person to receive the grace of conviction, confession, forgiveness, and repentance—to experience the grace we also have received. Confrontation does not enforce legalities; it ministers the restraining, forgiving, restoring grace of Christ to someone who has turned from him. It is not motivated by punishment but by the hope that the Lord would free this person from the prison of his own sin to know the freedom of walking in fellowship with him.[3]

 

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Sense of Process

The gospel not only declares that God is active, but it also describes what he is doing and how he is doing it. This sense of redemptive process is missing in many people I counsel. They do not have a progressive sanctification model for understanding their life and problems.

God has instituted a process with the goal that my “love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that [I] may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God” (Phil. 1:9–11).

His primary goal is not that I would experience present personal happiness. His goal is nothing short of my becoming a participant in his divine nature (2 Peter 1:4). Further, the very relationships with which I struggle and the difficult situations from which I would like to escape are the instruments he is using to produce the heart change that will result in a life that is fruitful to his glory. Suffering should not come as a surprise, and it should not be received as an indication of his distance and lack of care. It is a tool of his redemptive love. Our counselees need to cultivate their confidence in God’s active, progressive sanctification process so that they can make biblical sense of their problems.

 

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Without an understanding of indwelling sin and the struggle within, without an understanding of the presence, character, and activity of God and his sanctifying process, life will not make sense. Counselees will be confused because they lack the wisdom, insight, and practical, agenda-setting understanding that come when we view ourselves and our situations from the vantage point of the gospel.

Sally lived for the acceptance of people, but this was not what brought her to counseling. She came because she was depressed over a series of broken relationships. However, Sally was blind to her demanding ways, fear, and manipulation of people. She was blind to the condemning and vengeful responses she had to those who failed her. She did not see that she smothered people with her neediness. Her friends were her life-giving, functional gods. As she sought counsel, she felt alone, forsaken by God and people. Confused and unable to understand why all of this was happening, she became increasingly self-absorbed and depressed. She saw no hope of lasting change taking place. From where she stood, it looked as if every good thing she had attempted to do had blown up in her face.

Sally talked of how God must hate her. She had stopped reading her Bible and praying, and her church attendance had become sporadic at best. She believed that she had been unfairly singled out for suffering. All she wanted was for it to stop.

Clearly, the gospel was not making sense out of life for Sally. She had no functional sense of the God of the gospel who is sovereign, holy, forgiving, restoring, reconciling, ever-present, and ever-active, ruling over all things for her sake and lavishing on her the glorious riches of his grace in Christ Jesus (Eph. 1:3–9).

She did not see herself as the sinner for whom the gospel is intended, so she did not see the idolatrous heart that caused her to enter situations and relationships loaded with selfish expectations and silent demands. She did not see how these idolatrous expectations set up the constant disappointment she experienced, and she had no sense of the system of covert and overt vengeance that was her response to people who caused her pain. She did not see that she was playing god as both a lawgiver and judge.

Finally, Sally had no sense of the gospel process of progressive sanctification. There was no recognition of the hand of God in her circumstances. He was at work in each situation and relationship, but he was not committed to giving her the acceptance she craved. He was at work to expose her sinful heart and behavior and, through these experiences, to form in her the image of Christ. The very circumstances that served as Sally’s examples of  God’s “unfaithfulness” were, in fact, administered by his loving, covenantal care for her good! Sally was confused because she left essential facts out of her appraisal of her life—the facts of the gospel.

 

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Sally represents everyone we counsel. If their eyes are blind to the realities of who they are as sinners, the character and activity of God, their inheritance as his children, and the process of redemption (sanctification) that is going on, there is no way that our counselees will interpret what is happening correctly. There is no way that they will behave in a biblically appropriate manner.

This is a core distinctive of biblical counseling. Biblical counselors do not see the Bible as an encyclopedia of life principles that need only be followed to have a happy life. Rather, Scripture gives us a radical view of life that has its roots in the gospel; every biblical perspective and principle is rooted there.

This view of life is that we are a people chosen by a sovereign, loving God who, in Christ, has forgiven us and adopted us into his family. He is at work in each situation to conform us to the image of his Son, supplying all that we need to do what he has called us to do. Therefore, we do not buy into the false hope of becoming independently strong, “healthy,” aware, and happy individuals. All that we do and all that we hope for is rooted in the fact that we are weak vessels of clay that have been filled with the all-surpassing power of God’s presence. We look to the future with hope, preparing for a time when there will be no more sickness, sorrow, sin, or death, for we will be with Christ and like him eternally. That is why, even in the dark days of personal suffering, we do not lose heart (2 Cor. 4:7–18).

You cannot extract Christ from the principles of Scripture without doing violence to them. All that God calls us to do is rooted in what Christ is doing. If the counselee does not have the gospel at the heart of his interpretive system, the principles of the Bible will make no sense to him and he will not respond appropriately.

The clarity that we bring to the life of the counselee is the gospel itself. The gospel is what we want them to see, perhaps for the first time. Every problem can be faced through the manifold provisions of Christ. Consider Paul’s prayer for the Ephesians:

 

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I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. (Eph. 1:18–23).

Paul is praying that these Christians would view themselves and all of life in terms of the radical truths of the gospel. His prayer is that they would be able to see the power and riches that are their inheritance in Christ.

Our counselees will not live as God has called them to live if they are blind to the power and the presence of Christ at work in their lives. Instead, their lives will be “ineffective and unproductive” (2 Peter 1:8–9).

This gospel clarity should shape our data gathering as we, too, pray for “the eyes of [our counselees’] hearts to be enlightened.” So we ask questions that flow out of the gospel, causing our counselees to look at things they have not considered. As they answer these questions, the clarity of the gospel will begin to drive away the clouds of confusion.

Earlier, we saw that one element of spiritual blindness is that people ask the wrong questions—which leads to wrong answers. In our data gathering, we can begin to teach our counselees how to start with biblical truths and ask questions based on those truths. For example, if the Bible says that God is redemptively active in my life “in all things” (Rom. 8:28), I do not ask questions that assume that he is not and wonder why. I may ask, “What is the good that God is doing in these painful events?” or “What keeps me from seeing the good that God is doing?” or “Where does my agenda (plan) for my life and God’s plan differ?” or “What are my treasures (the things most valuable to me)? Are these the things that God says are most valuable and that he is working to produce?” These questions flow out of biblical truths and lead to biblical self-awareness and biblical change.

 

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A husband who is discouraged by what is happening in his family and is tempted to believe that God is absent needs to personalize these questions. What are his goals for his family? Are these God’s goals? What are the typical ways he has sought to accomplish these goals? Has he functioned as an instrument of God or as one who owns his family? Where is he not experiencing God’s “absence” but rather harvesting what he has sown? Where is the hand of God discernible in his family? Has he, as a husband and father, been in a conflict of agenda with God? Where? What does he want most out of each of these relationships? Are these what God wants for him? Where is he trying to do God’s job, trying to produce what only God can produce? Where has he failed to recognize his own themes of weakness, temptation, and sin in his responses to his wife and children? When does he tend to get angry, lashing out with condemning, accusatory, and threatening words? Where does he tend to struggle with discouragement and hopelessness? What does this say about how he thinks about himself, God, others, and his situation? These are questions that flow out of biblical truths and lead to biblical awareness and biblical change.[4]

 

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Appendix 4: Doctrines that Drive Homework

One methodological distinctive of biblical counseling is the regular use of homework. Good, well-tailored homework can play a significant part in the counseling and change process. Jay Adams writes, “Biblical counselors have found homework to be one of the most vital and effective forces that they can marshal in counseling.”[1] Why the use of homework? There is certainly no “proof text” for it; Jesus didn’t tell the rich young ruler to write down a “long list” of personal failings and return next week! Is using homework, therefore, simply a matter of stumbling upon a technique that has proven itself pragmatically?

Homework has been a consistent emphasis in biblical counseling because its use is driven by cardinal biblical doctrines. For the biblical counselor, theology is not simply a matter of the content of faith and practice. Biblical, exegetically derived theology also addresses the process of changing beliefs and behaviors: both counseling methods (from the counselor’s side of the process) and progressive sanctification (from the counselee’s side). The methods of biblical counseling emerge out of Scriptural theology. What the biblical counselor does in counseling—and has counselees do—must be as biblically consistent as what he says. Homework is a method that is a logical and practical extension of the beliefs that make biblical counseling distinctive.

Five doctrines drive the use of homework. After developing the rationale for the use and design of homework, we will address particular kinds of homework appropriate to various phases of the counseling and change process.[5]

 

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The Doctrine of Progressive Sanctification

Josh said, “But I’ve tried. I’ve done all the things God says to do to deal with lust, and nothing works. I’ve repented. I’ve prayed. I’ve yielded up control to the Lord. I’ve rebuked Satan. Sometimes I think I’ve solved the problem once and for all, and then a month later, I fall again.” The counselor inquired further about several things: the circumstances of Josh’s tumbles into immorality, whether Josh had ever let any mature Christian men in on his struggle, and whether Josh was looking for a once-for-all solution. The answers were predictable. Josh knew virtually nothing about the way the Christian life works, and the means of grace God employs.

Berkhof describes the process of sanctification this way: “sanctification is a work of which God and not man is the author. Only the advocates of the so-called free will can claim that it is a work of man. Nevertheless, it differs from regeneration in that man can, and is duty-bound to, strive for ever-increasing sanctification by using the means that God has placed at his disposal. This is clearly taught in Scripture: 2 Corinthians 7:1; Colossians 3:5–14; 1 Peter 1:22.”[5]

What are the means God employs to sanctify his children? The three that are most prominent in the New Testament are the Word of God, God’s providence, and the edifying ministry of the body of Christ. These are what counseling is about. Counseling is the ministry of the Word from believer to believer in the context of what God is doing in a person’s situation. Biblical counseling at once recognizes the Word’s authority, God’s sovereignty over circumstances, and the body of Christ’s call to person-to-person ministry.

What does all of this have to do with homework? Homework provides an opportunity for the counselee to understand God’s sanctifying purpose and to participate in his sanctifying process. Homework asks the counselee to participate in the disciplines of sanctification, particularly the study of the Word, consistency of applying the Word in acts of faith and obedience, and submission to the edifying, encouraging, admonishing ministry of the body of Christ.

Homework teaches the counselee that growth in grace doesn’t come by lightning bolts and magical encounters but by humble, honest, obedient, and practical application of God’s Word to the specifics of everyday experience. In sanctification, God calls his children to follow, stand fast, forsake, trust, put off and put on, run, obey, put to death, study, flee, and resist. Homework takes this call of God and applies it with specificity to the counselee’s situation. Homework takes resistance, forsaking, following, and putting on out of the abstract to make them concrete. Homework asks the counselee to do, in the context of his particular circumstance, what God has called him to do as a participant in his sanctifying mercy.

 

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Homework also fits well with the extended process of sanctification. Metaphors of sanctification in Scripture, such as running a race, growing from infancy to adulthood, and the growth from seed to mature plant, depict sanctification as a lengthy process. In reality, it is a process that encompasses our entire lives. Homework helps nudge the counselee away from the hope for a quick fix and helps the counselee to buy into God’s step-by-step process of change. Homework charts the significance of each step made in God’s name, erecting milestones that can be looked back upon in praise to God. A homework journal or notebook will function as an encouraging record of progress as God uses counseling to continue his sanctifying work.

Finally, homework challenges the “right to privacy” attitude that many Christians retain in the Christian experience. Often sanctification is thought of as a private matter between a person and God, but it is impossible to read Ephesians 4 and 1 Corinthians 12 and conclude that sanctification is an individual concern. The nature of homework assumes accountability and submission to a fellow believer. It calls for the counselee to be honest before God and one of his instruments of redemption, the counselor. It calls for the counselee to forsake the pride and fear that make him hide from those God has provided to help him and to step out in honesty, thanking God for his provision. Our doctrine of progressive sanctification calls for homework that encourages counselees in the process of change and connects them to other people in an ongoing way.

 

Summary

·         Our doctrine of Scripture calls for homework that gets counselees into the Bible.

·         Our doctrine of human responsibility calls for homework that has counselees stop to look at themselves accurately.

·         Our doctrine of God calls for homework that has counselees meet God.

·         Our doctrine of sin calls for homework that helps counselees rethink the way they understand their problems and guides them into specific life changes.

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·         Our doctrine of progressive sanctification calls for homework that encourages counselees in the process of change and connects them to other people in an ongoing way.

 

Homework is an essential part of biblical counseling. Using it is consistent with the doctrines that are the foundation for truly biblical counseling, as seen in the examples above. Homework provides a way for those doctrines to become practical operating principles in the life of each counselee.[6]

 

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Confront and Comfort

Goal: Help counselees to see themselves biblically and to embrace God’s promises.

Because of the deceitfulness of sin, all of us need to be confronted. Because of the guilt, power, and misery of sin, all of us need to be comforted in Christ. We need people around us who will take up God’s call to “speak the truth in love.” Confrontation has been given a bad name in our culture. Confrontation has come to connote harshness. But Scripture presents confrontation as an act of love: they are words that are loving, perceptive, and candid, motivated by my neighbor’s need rather than my convenience.

Similarly, comfort and encouragement have acquired misleading connotations: all-tolerant, relativistic, all-affirming, self-esteem-boosting, unconditional “support.” But biblical comfort is filled with truth, with the gospel of the crucified Savior and the power of the Holy Spirit to change us.

Three aspects of biblical truth-speaking should guide your thinking about the confrontation-comfort process and how to use homework as part of it. First, engage your counselee. Second, hold up and hold out God’s words to counselees. Third, probe issues of the heart as well as issues of behavior.

First, how will you engage your counselee, someone who may be resistant to the truth? Second Samuel 12:1–25 is exemplary. The prophet Nathan confronted David for his adultery and murder. Notice Nathan’s confrontational methodology. He created a dialogue rather than putting David immediately on the defensive. His story engaged David’s conscience; it penetrated walls of self-deceit and hiding. Nathan then said, “You are the man.” This frank and timely confrontation met with no defensiveness, no deceit, and no excuses. Psalms 32 and 51 portray the inward dynamic of David’s repentant response to Nathan’s skillful confrontation.

Nathan was also a skillful and timely comforter. He did not give David unconditional positive regard, blanket tolerance, or self-esteem-enhancing messages. But he did love David and brought God’s hope to him: “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die” (2 Sam. 12:13). David heartily believed him. Nathan later bore another message of comfort from God to David: “The Lord loved [Solomon]” (2 Sam. 12:24–25). Therefore, Solomon gained a second name, Jedidiah, “loved by the Lord.” Psalms 32 and 51 portray David’s faith in the promises of grace that Nathan ministered to David. The confrontation and comfort that you offer in counseling can benefit from Nathan’s interactive model.

 

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The second aspect of biblical confrontation-comfort is found in James 1: hold up God’s standard and hold out God’s promises. James 1:22–24 likens Scripture to a mirror. This passage wonderfully describes how confrontation takes place in biblical counseling. In the truth-speaking phase of counseling, I want to help counselees see themselves reflected accurately in the Word of God. Often they have been peering into carnival mirrors of self-deception and the opinions of others. They have a distorted view of themselves. Confrontation puts the mirror of the Word in front of counselees, so they see themselves as they actually are. Effective biblical counselors do not always have to speak the actual words of rebuke. They hold up the mirror. They use Scripture in such a way that God’s words break through blindness in order to convict. True self-knowledge leads to true repentance and confession.

James 1 also abounds in comfort (Vv. 2–5, 12, 17–18, 25). Notice that the heart of biblical comfort is not human affirmation to boost self-esteem, the world’s fraudulent substitute: “I’m for you. I believe in you. I think you’re okay.” Comfort, too, comes from God. If confrontation holds up God’s mirror, comfort holds out God’s promise: If any of you lacks wisdom—if your folly and sin emerge when you are tested—ask God, who gives generously and does not reproach you for needing the help only he can give. That is a promise counselees can take to heart and act on.

The third crucial aspect of the confrontation-comfort phase of counseling is also present in James 1. Verses 14 and 15 show how sinful desires give birth to sinful lifestyles, which result in the misery of God’s curse. Sue, Fran, Bill, Judy, and Bart all experienced misery, confusion, and unhappiness. They all expressed specific sins in their attitudes, actions, and words. They all had defected from God in their hearts, serving false beliefs and lusts of the flesh. You must expose these issues of the heart as well as the resultant behavior.

 

What is God’s agenda in people’s lives? Consider Joel 2:12–13:

“… Return to me with all your heart,

with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

Rend your heart

and not your garments.

Return to the Lord your God,

for he is gracious and compassionate,

slow to anger and abounding in love.

 

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The prophet refers to the Old Testament custom of tearing one’s clothes in a moment of grief. Rending garments was an outward sign of a heart response.

God doesn’t want “repentance” at the level of behavior alone. He wants repentance that flows out of a heart that returns to him. He wants to recapture and rule your counselees’ hearts, thus changing the way they live. The comfort of counseling invites people to return to the merciful God with all their hearts. Truth speaking in counseling must address the heart as well as behavior.

Counseling needs to be interactive, biblical and penetrating. How can homework help? Homework that I assign in this phase of counseling falls into two categories: instructional homework and self-awareness homework. I will discuss each of these and give examples.

I assign instructional homework because many of my counselees are poorly taught. They do not know or understand fundamental concepts, categories, principles, commands, and promises of Scripture. Understanding truth is vital if a counselee is to interpret and react to life biblically. So I must teach as I confront; I must teach as I comfort.

The assignment, “What is the Christian life?” (see pages 351–52), offers an example of homework that instructs. You can readily see that this particular homework assignment is encouraging—even inspirational—in its teaching. It also pointedly challenges counselees. Biblical counseling makes no great divide between confrontation and comfort; the two work hand-in-hand to accomplish God’s ends.

Why is a study like this helpful? Many counselees do not grasp the basics of progressive sanctification: “God is up to something in your life. A disciple walks in a way of ongoing transformation, not yet perfect, still failing, but always growing in faith and obedience.” Few understand that the Christian life is a process of change, neither perfection nor defeat. Many counselees look for some “secret” of the Christian life to remove the struggle. Many others simply give up and plod along in their sins and misery. Others have never heard that Christ’s lordship is over all Christians, not simply over a dedicated elite who have taken some second step of consecration. Others still have not grasped that God saves us not only from the damnation of sin (justification) but also the dominion of sin (sanctification and discipleship). Luther’s quotation and the Scripture passages are simultaneously a wake-up call, a challenge, and an encouragement. Study “What is the Christian life?” for yourself. Use it as is to help people you counsel, or adapt the questions to fit the people you are counseling.

 

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Unbiblical systems of thought must be replaced with perspectives on life that are distinctly biblical. I assign the following instructional studies over and over again.

1.      What does Scripture say about the heart? (Prov. 4:23; Luke 6:43–45; James 4:1–5)

2.      What is idolatry? (Ezek. 14:1–6; Rom. 1:18–32; 1 Cor. 10:1–14; Eph. 5:3–7)

3.      What is the counselee’s identity in Christ? (Rom. 6:1–14; Ephesians, 2 Peter 1:3–9)

4.      Who is God, and what is he doing? (Ps. 34; Ps. 46; Isa. 40; Rom. 8)

5.      How should you understand trials and suffering? (Rom. 5:1–5; James 1:1–8; 1 Peter)

6.      How should you deal with being sinned against? (Matt. 5; 18:15–35; Rom. 12:9–21)

 

This is not an exhaustive list, but it provides samples of the kinds of instructional homework that can be assigned during the confrontation-comfort phase of counseling. These assignments allow the counseling time to be used more efficiently. The counselee comes in already having completed a guided study on critical truths that need to be incorporated into his life and discussed in the session.

The second kind of confrontation-comfort homework I assign is self-awareness homework. These assignments focus on issues of the heart since the heart shapes behavior. The struggle with the deceitfulness of sin takes place internally; repentance and faith take place internally.

One assignment I often give comes out of James 4:1–6. James states that human conflict is caused by the desires that rule his heart. People approach others with an agenda, with spoken or unspoken demands. I ask the counselee to write down the things that are important to him or to respond in writing to the question, “What I really want out of life is …” or “What I really want from the people around me is.…” Then I ask the counselee to write down ways in which these desires have affected his relationships. “How has your heart agenda (ruling desires) shaped the way you feel and act toward those around you?” is one way to ask the question.

 

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Obviously, the goal of this assignment is to get the counselee to acknowledge the idols of their heart that consistently move him away from the behavior God requires. Many counselees do not question the logic of their behavior. In fact, they don’t think of behavior as having meaning; that is, our actions portray our heart’s thoughts and intentions. Because of this, counselees often think they have no choice but to do the things they do. Given their perspective on the situation and their desires, one can understand why they think they have no choice. When they understand that there is a choice, then the promise of James 4:6 becomes meaningful: “But he [God] gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ ” Self-awareness becomes God-awareness and leads to meeting God (James 4:7–10).

I want to help counselees to think about motives. I want to help them to be able to speak from the heart. One way I do this is with the “Responding to the Situations of Life” homework (see page 353). I write a paragraph presenting a problem similar to the kinds of things that the counselee is facing. Then I ask the counselee to respond to the vignette, listing five possible responses to the situation, along with the reason someone might have for choosing each response. This part of the assignment helps him to acknowledge the strategic nature of behavior. I then ask him to characterize his response to a particular situation we have discussed and examine what it reveals about the desires and purposes of his heart.

The study of biblical narratives can be helpful here, and it can easily be incorporated into the “Responding to the Situations of Life” homework. I ask the counselee to examine a biblical character’s response to his or her situation and then look for clues as to what is motivating those responses: Jonah; Moses in Numbers 11; Gideon in Judges 6; Peter in Galatians 2; Herod in Mark 6; Esther in Esther 4–5. This assignment sets up the call to respond in godly ways out of gratitude to God and concern for God’s glory.

There is one other assignment that I often use at this point in counseling. This assignment uses Matthew 22:37–40. I prepare the counselee for the assignment by discussing the passage with him during the session in which it is assigned. I ask the counselee to meditate on the two Great Commands and how they set an agenda for dealing with the situation in which he lives and the people with whom he must relate every day. Then he makes two lists with the headings, “If I truly love God above everything else, I will …” and “If I truly love my neighbor as myself, I will.…” The next week we discuss the lists and the specific changes they dictate.

 

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The goal of confrontation-comfort is true repentance that includes thought, motive, and behavior. The biblical counselor needs to design homework that engages counselees in the process of biblical self-examination, leading to a heartfelt confession to God, embracing Christ and functional change in their styles of life.[7]



[1] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.

[2] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.

[3] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.

[4] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.

[1] Jay Adams, Ready to Restore, (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R, 1981), 72.

[5] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.

[5] L. Berkhof, Systematic Theology (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1941), 534.

[6] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.

[7] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change. Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.

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