In my experience as a father, one of the biggest transitions is realizing our children are not “ours” in the possessive sense; they are a gift on loan from God. “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward” (Ps 127:3). That truth brings joy, but it also brings a sober weight: we are stewards, not owners. And stewardship creates a very real question in the heart: Did I prepare them well enough to stand when I’m not there to catch them? That’s why Scripture doesn’t just say “raise kids,” it says, “Train up a child in the way he should go” (Prov 22:6), and, “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Eph 6:4).
For me, the age range that hits this question first is young adults leaving home, because that is when the “training” meets the real world. Under our roof, we can cover needs and provide structure; once they’re out, we start praying with a different kind of intensity. It’s also when you learn the difference between faith they grew up around and faith they personally own. I think of Joshua’s words: “as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” (Josh 24:15). That line is not just for the parent; it’s the baton we want our children to take in their own hands.
Emotionally, parenting is a wide river. There is joy and pride when our children walk in truth: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 4). There is also grief when they hurt, because a parent’s heart is wired to ache. Scripture shows that without trying to sanitize it: Hagar weeping because she couldn’t bear to watch her child suffer (Gen 21:14–16), David’s painful cry over Absalom (2 Sam 18:33), and Jacob’s long mourning for Joseph (Gen 37:34–35). Parenting teaches us that love is not just a feeling; it’s a commitment that can break your heart and still keep loving.
One of the quiet griefs parents don’t always admit is how fast time goes. You blink, and the child who needed you for everything is suddenly making adult decisions without asking you. That can trigger regret: “I wish I had been more present,” or “I wish I had done some things differently.” I relate to that. Scripture even warns us what not to do in the home: “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” (Col 3:21). And it reminds us what to do: teach God’s words in daily life “when you sit…when you walk…when you lie down…when you rise up” (Deut 6:6–7). That’s not just “family devotions.” That’s a whole-life faith steady, visible, and real.
As our kids grow, our identity as parents has to shift too. We start as provider and protector. Over time, we become more like a coach, then an advisor, and eventually, if we’ve built trust, something like a friend. But that transition is humbling because the temptation is to keep controlling rather than learning to influence. Scripture gives us a sobering picture of what happens when a father refuses to correct and guide: “his father had not rebuked him at any time” (1 Kings 1:6). And it gives us the other side too: “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul” (Prov 29:17). For me, learning to listen more than lecture was a hard lesson. But it mattered, because adult children don’t need a courtroom; they need a safe place.
Another major transition is facing what we cannot control: our children’s pain. Eventually, every parent learns we cannot protect them from everything. That is when our role becomes a different kind of strength: prayer, presence, and calm. The Bible paints that parental heart clearly: “As a father pities his children, so the LORD pities those who fear Him” (Ps 103:13). And it shows the tenderness of a mother’s comfort too: “As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you” (Isa 66:13). When we can’t fix the situation, we can still be steady and we can point them to the One who never changes.
To me, some of the best “wins” are not trophies; they’re character and faith. Wisdom says, “The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise child will delight in him” (Prov 23:24–25). A wise son makes a glad father; a foolish son is grief to his mother (Prov 10:1). That’s not a threat; it’s reality. Choices have consequences. And one of the best gifts we can give our kids is not just opportunity, but truth and stability the kind of home that teaches them to return to God when they fall, not to hide when they fail.
And finally, one of the greatest transitions for a parent is accepting that our job is preparing our children for eternity, not just for adulthood. If all we give them is career readiness but not spiritual grounding, we’ve aimed too low. Our children need to know God for themselves, not just know about our faith. They need to understand what Moses taught: love God with all your heart, soul, and strength, and keep His words in your heart (Deut 6:6–7). That’s why my closing encouragement is simple: cherish the time, teach what lasts, and remember that 70–80 years is short compared to eternity. Your children are learning life for the first time, so give them patience, give them truth, and keep bringing them back to the Lord.
Read the full reflection here: https://open.substack.com/pub/ammartinez/p/what-are-some-of-the-biggest-emotions?r=1smlyb&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
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Book: I Cannot Give You What I Do Not Have: Finding Unconditional Love in Christ
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GQB4MJYW
Study Guide: I Cannot Give You What I Do Not Have: Companion Study Guide: Healing Generational Wounds Through 40 Devotions
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