Why Some People Grow Through Struggles—and Why Others Quit Too Soon

Why do some people grow through struggles while others give up? In this opinion, the difference often comes down to what we ascribe to the struggle. Some people see hardship as meaningless punishment, and they collapse under it. Others, sometimes with the same pain, and sometimes with even worse pain, eventually begin to see that the struggle can produce something in them that comfort never could. That does not mean suffering is good. It means God can use what is painful to build something that lasts. I also want to say this carefully: this is not true in the same way for every person or every situation. Across history, many people tragically end their suffering by ending their lives. Others survive and then turn around and help people who are drowning because they do not want anyone else to suffer the way they suffered. 

 

1) What “Struggle” Does To Us Depends On What We Believe It Means 

Most of us do not feel a sense of growth while we are in the middle of a trial. We feel alone. We feel stuck. We feel like tomorrow will be the same as today, as it was yesterday. That hopeless loop is one of the first warning signs that a person is giving up on the inside. But Scripture gives us a different framework: trials test faith, and testing produces patience (James 1:2–4). And Paul lays it out like a chain reaction: tribulation produces perseverance; perseverance produces character; and character produces hope (Rom 5:3–5). That hope is not make-believe. It is rooted in God’s love being poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit (Rom 5:5). When I can see my trial through that lens, I stop interpreting pain as “God forgot me,” and I start seeing it as training, sometimes slow, sometimes painful like a Father shaping His child (Heb 12:7–11). 

 

2) Why Some People Give Up: Drift Starts Before The Fall 

Giving up can look like a person taking their life, and that is heartbreaking. But giving up can also look like someone numbing out, isolating, turning cold, or walking away from God because they believe God is no longer interested in them personally. A lot of times the drift begins with simple neglect: I stop praying. I stop taking in the Word. I stop fellowshipping with believers. Then doubt grows because I am not feeding truth. And once doubt takes root, deception is not far behind (Heb 3:12–14). Sin hardens. Hopelessness thickens. The person starts living by sight rather than by faith (2 Cor 4:16–18). Jesus even warned that some receive the Word with joy, but because there is no root, they endure only a while; then tribulation comes, and they stumble (Matt 13:20–21). 

 

3) Why Some People Grow: Identity And Meaning Keep Them Standing 

I believe perspective and identity are huge. Many believers do not understand who we are in Christ, what He has accomplished for us, and what it means that God calls us His and that He is not finished with us. That is where the accuser gains ground, because we start believing we are disqualified instead of disciplined, rejected instead of refined. But Scripture keeps pulling us back: God knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold (Job 23:10). And sometimes the affliction itself becomes a teacher: “It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.” (Ps 119:71). Paul says outwardly we may be perishing, but inwardly we can be renewed day by day (2 Cor 4:16). And when we stop staring only at what is seen, we remember that what is unseen is eternal (2 Cor 4:17–18). That is not denial. That is direction. 

 

4) Expectations Can Crush Us—Or They Can Be Surrendered 

Expectations are some of the most damaging thoughts we allow into our minds. People-pleasing makes us chase acceptance like a hamster on a wheel. Even worse, we chase our own impossible standards, thinking, “If I achieve this one thing, then I’ll be okay.” And when we finally reach it, we move the goalpost again. The biblical view steadies me because it tells me plainly: hardship is part of this life, but Christ does not leave us alone in it. Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). And God’s grace does not show up only after I become strong. It shows up in weakness (2 Cor 12:9–10). 

 

5) Community Is Not Optional For Endurance 

We are not meant to endure alone. The Bible says Exhort one another daily so we are not hardened by the deceitfulness of sin (Heb 3:12–14). Some people make it because they stay connected to people who genuinely care for them and pull them back to truth when their thinking gets dark. Others isolate, and isolation becomes the place where lies sound like wisdom. 

 

6) What I Want To Say To The Person Who Feels Like Quitting 

If you are at that place right now, I want to speak plainly: it is almost always too early to quit. Patience does not feel spiritual when we are in pain, but patience is where faith becomes real. God gives power to the weak, and those who wait on the Lord renew strength (Isa 40:29–31). And if you have fallen, I want you to hear this: “Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” (Ps 37:23–24). A righteous man may fall seven times and rise again (Prov 24:16). That is not permission to live carelessly. That is a reason not to drown in despair. 

Here is what I believe: all of life is preparation for the opportunity to be used of God for His glory and purposes. And to be used by God for His glory is one of man’s greatest honors.