When I talk with couples about why it is better to repair marriages than to end them, I begin by grounding the conversation in God’s design for marriage and in the reality of our shared human brokenness. Scripture is clear that marriage is sacred, not casual or disposable. God says plainly that He hates divorce because it does violence to the covenant He established (Malachi 2:16). Jesus reminds us that from the beginning God made husband and wife to become “one flesh,” adding, “What God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:4–6). From a biblical perspective, marriage is not merely a legal contract but a spiritual union, and ending it fractures something God intended to be whole.
Because marriage is such a deep joining, Scripture consistently emphasizes reconciliation over separation. Paul instructs married believers not to divorce and, even when separation occurs, to pursue reconciliation rather than moving on as though the covenant no longer matters (1 Corinthians 7:10–11). Marriage is not simply two lives running side by side; it is a joining into one. I often explain it as two pieces of wood glued together. When they are properly bonded, they become one strong piece. But when they are forced apart, they do not separate cleanly—they splinter. Each piece is permanently changed. Even if someone later tries to attach themselves to another partner, the edges never fit the same way again. This is why divorce carries such deep and lasting pain. It is not merely the end of a relationship, but the tearing apart of something that was meant to be one. God’s call to reconciliation reflects His understanding of this reality and His desire to protect us from wounds that change us in ways we never expected.
From a pastoral perspective, we also have to be honest about the culture we live in. We live in a world that prizes convenience, personal fulfillment, and escape from discomfort. Even when marriages do not legally end, many become emotionally divorced—cold, distant, and filled with resentment. Repairing a marriage rather than abandoning it calls us to maturity, patience, and sacrificial love. Christian marriages, in particular, carry a higher purpose. They are meant to reflect God’s ministry of reconciliation. When a couple chooses to work through conflict with humility and grace, their marriage becomes a visible testimony to God’s power to restore what is broken (2 Corinthians 5:18).
I often think of marriage in terms of building a home. What determines whether a marriage stands is not whether storms come, but whether the foundation is solid. Jesus tells us that when the rains fall, the floods rise, and the winds beat against the house, only the one built on the rock will remain standing (Matthew 7:24–27). In marriage, those storms come in many forms—stress, disappointment, temptation, fatigue, and loss. One common temptation is believing the cultural lie that more is better: more work, more money, more possessions, more security. Yet that pursuit often costs us the very relationships we are trying to protect. In reality, less is usually better, because it forces us to focus on what truly sustains a marriage: time, presence, faithfulness, and shared life. When Christ is the foundation upon which we build, our marriage is not spared from trials, but it is strengthened to endure them.
Marriages also do not thrive by accident. They are built slowly, intentionally, and relationally. In my own marriage, my wife and I spent seven years getting to know one another before we married. That time was not about perfection or certainty; it was about trust. We learned how to open our lives to one another, sharing our histories and the realities of the homes we came from. I came from an adoptive home, and my wife came from a home marked by two divorces. Those conversations were not easy, but they laid the foundation for what we have today—nearly thirty-eight years of marriage. Trust grows through vulnerability, honesty, and the willingness to be known. That is how two lives become united. To discard that bond lightly is a grave mistake, especially given the pressures and uncertainties life inevitably brings.
A life partner is far more than someone to share a bed, a house, a bank account, or a collection of memories. A true partner is someone with whom we share life itself—someone who walks with us through joy and hardship, success and failure, health and weakness. Marriage is about mutual growth, forgiveness, and learning how to repair what is broken rather than abandoning it. Scripture calls us to forgive as we have been forgiven (Colossians 3:13) and to bear with one another in love. These acts of repair are not signs of weakness; they are signs of covenant faithfulness.
Finally, repairing marriages matters not only for couples but also for families and communities. Easy divorce often leaves deep wounds, especially for children, who thrive best in environments marked by commitment and stability. While there are situations involving unrepentant abuse or danger where separation is necessary, God’s heart is always toward healing rather than abandonment. Scripture consistently shows us that God never intended marriage to be something we walk away from lightly. When we choose repair over retreat, we reflect God’s faithful love—a love that does not give up on us, even when we are at our worst.
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