How has experiencing significant personal loss deepened your understanding of what it means to truly live each day?

Personal loss profoundly changes us, like that of losing a loved one, losing one’s own identity, whether it be in the form of a career loss or one’s health. A personal loss transforms our understanding of life, revealing that loss strips away our external supports, forcing us to confront our deepest vulnerabilities and bringing us to the end of ourselves. As the deepening sense of loss grows, it characterizes the journey of personal loss—losing not just people, but joy, presence, and assumptions about life, while simultaneously discovering that being truly alive means accepting the reality of death. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2, NIV).

Through this process, we begin searching for a life less dependent on external circumstances and more rooted in the depth of our soul, ultimately discovering a divine love that gives shape to our true being. “So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17-19, NIV).

The experience teaches us to savor each moment fully and passionately, recognizing that we often squander our thinking by dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, thus missing the surprising moments right before us. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34, NIV). Ultimately, this journey leads to a deeper appreciation for each moment, a slower pace of living, and a more compassionate, whole understanding of ourselves and the world.

Consider the example of the Christian who discovers he or she has early-onset Alzheimer’s. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common form of Dementia, accounting for 60-80 percent of dementia cases. It is a progressive brain disease that slowly destroys memory and thinking skills, primarily affecting people over 65. However, it is not exclusively an age-related condition; around 5-6 percent of people develop early-onset Alzheimer’s, which can appear when individuals are in their 30s, 40s, or 50s. Women are particularly at risk, with almost two-thirds of Alzheimer’s patients being female—a woman has a greater chance of developing Alzheimer’s (one in six) than breast cancer (one in eleven).

The disease is characterized by biochemical changes in the brain, including the buildup of β-amyloid protein plaques, the aggregation of tau protein leading to neurofibrillary tangles, and the degeneration of nerve endings. These changes block electrochemical signals between cells, with more degenerative areas correlating to greater disturbances in intellectual and memory function. Symptoms typically begin with short-term memory deficits and small executive functioning changes, progressively worsening to include loss of abstract meaning, attention difficulties, and eventually interfering with daily living activities. Currently the sixth leading cause of death, Alzheimer’s claims up to 500,000 lives annually, with projections suggesting the number of affected Americans could reach sixteen million by 2050.[1-5]. 

Thus, the question, “How has experiencing significant personal loss deepened your understanding of what it means to truly live each day?” The question not only applies to the loss of a loved one but also to the loss of one’s personal being. Consider the question as applied to Dementia, discovering one will lose all ability to remember they have faith in Christ for salvation, and that they will most likely die forgetting their past life of serving the Lord.

 

“How does a believer in Christ handle and accept the reality of Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, knowing that he or she will forget who their loved ones are, who they are, and potentially forget that they are secure in Christ for their salvation?”

 

A believer facing Alzheimer’s, who will face a truly profound loss of their identity, can find profound comfort in God’s unwavering love and grace. Despite concerns about potentially losing faith due to Dementia, salvation and ongoing faith are the result of God’s work, not human faithfulness. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9, NIV).

When a loved one’s ability to think and act is damaged, we must cling to the truth that God has called them and they belong to him. “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand” (John 10:27-29, NIV).

Nothing can separate the believer from God’s love. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39, NIV).

And salvation is not lost when the gospel story is forgotten. In fact, salvation rests in God’s memory, not in our own forgetful minds. “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5, NIV). Even as declarative memory fails, nondeclarative memory remains, allowing patients to engage in familiar spiritual practices. 

The experience of being a person relies on relationships sustained by the memory of others and of God. Moreover, God’s grace is evident in how the Holy Spirit intercedes, praying with “wordless groans” when we cannot. “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26, NIV). Even when disease has severely damaged the brain, God continues to search and know our hearts, responding with prayers on our behalf. “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. ... Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:1-4, 23-24, NIV).

Ultimately, believers can be freed from the fear of Alzheimer’s, knowing they will spend eternity in heaven with perfect memories. “Then I saw ’a new heaven and a new earth,’ for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away’” (Revelation 21:1-4, NIV).[6-9]. 

One truth remains for the loved ones of the one who will suffer the profound loss of who they are: to pray for them. “Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16, NIV). As a family watches the decline of their parent, spouse, or friend, the one observing must remain thankful for the opportunity to minister Christ’s love to them in such a way that only the Love of God working in and through them could be. “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18, NIV).

It is difficult at best watching our loved ones suffer ill health, but dying is part of living, and as profound as loss can be, eternal life is infinitely more rewarding and a gift that all believers have received and will enjoy when this life of suffering has come to its fruition. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16, NIV). “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23, NIV).                   

[1] Umesiri, Francis E. 2016. Fasting for Life: Medical Proof Fasting Reduces Risk of Heart Disease, Cancer, and Diabetes. Lake Mary, FL: Siloam.

[2] Mooney, Sharon F. 2013. Alzheimer’s: Caring for Your Loved One, Caring for Yourself. Oxford, England: Lion Books.

[3] Hope for the Heart. 2024. Alzheimer’s & Dementia: Doing What’s Best for Your Brain. Keys for Living Library: Counseling and Coaching. Hope for the Heart.

[4] Smith, Robert. 1982. “Alzheimer’s Disease.” Edited by Jay E. Adams. The Journal of Pastoral Practice 6, no. 1: 45.

[5] Reichenberg, Lourie W., and Linda Seligman. 2016. Selecting Effective Treatments: A Comprehensive Systematic Guide to Treating Mental Disorders. Fifth Edition. Hoboken, NJ: Wiley.

[6] Mast, Benjamin T., and Scotty Smith. 2014. Second Forgetting: Remembering the Power of the Gospel during Alzheimer’s Disease. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

[7] Hodges, Charles D., Jr, ed. n.d. The Christian Counselor’s Medical Desk Reference. 2nd edition.

[8] Tellinghuisen, Donald J., and Paul Moes. 2023. Exploring Psychology and Christian Faith: An Introductory Guide. Second Edition. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic: A Division of Baker Publishing Group.

[9] Davis, Andrew M. 2021. The Glory Now Revealed: What We’ll Discover about God in Heaven. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker.