I was
only eighteen when I asked my wife to marry me. I really loved her, but I
didn’t yet know how to love her. We were committed Christians and we wanted to
do marriage God’s way, but we lacked wisdom and maturity. We needed someone to
apply the principles of Scripture to the realities of our particular
relationship. Thankfully, we received much counsel on how to take the things
God says about marriage and work them out in our life together. Now, more than
thirty years later, we continue to learn a little more each day about what it
means to apply God’s truth to our lives.
Change always demands a deeper
understanding of the things of God and a more careful application of those
truths to our lives. Since change is a lifelong process, it won’t be over until
we are in the presence of the Lord. So, as we encourage people to change,
dealing with the needs of the moment is not our highest priority; rather, it is
answering God’s call to “Be holy, because I am holy” (Lev. 11:44). As we call
people to do what God has called them to do, we must keep this ultimate
destination in view.
After thirty years, I am still
learning what it means to love Luella “as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:25).
We are still learning how to embed our story in the larger story of redemption.
I am still asking Luella to forgive me, and we still have misunderstandings. We
still need to be rebuked and still benefit from accountability. We still help
each other identify areas of spiritual blindness where we step outside God’s
boundaries.
At the same time, we have grown
wiser and our marriage is easier. p 240 We
live with a confidence we didn’t have in the early years. We have experienced
the truthfulness of the Word and the faithfulness of our Lord. We have seen
again and again that his grace is sufficient in our times of greatest weakness.
We have learned that living for his glory results in our good. We have
identified idol after idol and their effects on our relationship. Yet with all
this change, we are still changing! And we have learned that keeping the final
destination in view is the only way to solve the problems of today.
You will see the truth of this
principle often in personal ministry. Seldom will you deal only with a person’s
original problem; instead, you will also tackle layers of difficulty that have
been created by “solutions” that addressed the need of the moment but did not
keep God’s ultimate purpose in view. When you are facing difficulty,
disappointment, or crisis, it is easy to be captured by the problem in front of
you. It is hard to be committed to long-term goals when you are putting out
fires. That is why we not only need the practical wisdom of specific
application, but someone to faithfully remind us of our ultimate destination.
Paul captures this principle of
“long view living” in 2 Corinthians 11:1–3.
I hope
you will put up with a little of my foolishness; but you are already doing
that. I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one
husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. But I
am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds
may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.
Paul
understands the Christian life eschatologically. This means that today is
preparation for tomorrow, and tomorrow is preparation for something else yet to
come. Paul is saying, “I know I have hovered over you, but you need to
understand why. I am afraid that you will forget who you are and to whom you
have been promised.” To Paul, the only way to go through life properly is to
understand that we are engaged. p 241 We
have been betrothed to Christ, and our life now is preparation for the great
wedding to come.
The difficulties now, the
suffering now, the disappointments now, and the blessings now are all
preparation for the wedding then. Our experiences today do not reflect God’s
inattention or unfaithfulness, but his jealous love. He is exposing our
wandering hearts and foolish minds and the ways we trust our passions more than
the principles of his Word. He is calling us to forsake our own glory for his,
and teaching us that the idols we pursue will never satisfy us. He is making us
wise to temptation and aware of a lurking enemy. He is teaching us to live for
treasures that moth and rust can’t destroy and that thieves can’t steal. He is
teaching us what it means to live in a way that recognizes our identity as his
children. He is teaching us to live open, approachable, and humble lives.
In other words, your whole life
is premarital counseling! You belong to a groom whose name is Immanuel, and God
is preparing you for the wedding for which you were created and redeemed.
Everything you face today is premarital preparation—living now with then in
view.
In contrast, sin produces in all
of us a tendency toward “now-ism,” which means we forget three things: who we
are (betrothed to Christ); what he is doing now (preparing us for the final
wedding); and what we are supposed to be doing (remaining faithful to him).
When we focus only on what we want now, we fail to solve our problems and we
also cause more difficulties. A common factor in depression is self-absorbed
now-ism. Anger is often fueled by a self-righteous now-ism. Fear and anxiety
are strengthened by an obsession with the here and now. Maturity and
perseverance are weakened by a “now” mentality.
Teaching others how to solve now
problems with then in view is one of the most important things we can do,
because it is not something we sinners do well on our own. We tend to be
shortsighted and self-absorbed. We forget that God’s primary goal is not
changing our situations and relationships so that we can be happy, but changing
us through our situations and relationships so that we will be holy. We need
people who love God and us enough to come alongside and help us deal with our
spiritual myopia.
p 242 This is one reason why the Bible does
not present divorce as a solution to marriage problems, though it may be a
result. Unrepented adultery may provide biblical grounds for release from the
marriage covenant, but divorce does not solve the problems that led to it.
Divorce changes relationships, situations, and locations, but it doesn’t change
the heart. People who use divorce as a solution often repeat the same problems
in subsequent relationships because the one thing that needed to change
remained unchanged: them! They were blinded by their own now-ism. But if they
see their marriage now as a training ground for their marriage then, the trials
God sends their way make perfect sense. As you solve marriage problems with
then in view, you won’t deal with trouble by separating from your spouse. You
will learn how God wants to change you so that you can better live with him or
her. Your now response will be shaped by a then perspective.
Quitting Too Soon
Most
of us are tempted to think that change has taken place before it actually has.
We confuse growth in knowledge and insight with genuine life change. But
insight is not change and knowledge should not be confused with practical,
active, biblical wisdom. In fourteen years of seminary teaching, I have met
many brilliant, theologically astute students who were incredibly immature in
their everyday life. There was often a huge gap between their confessional and
functional theology. Students who could articulate the sovereignty of God could
be overcome by worry. Students who could expound on the glory of God would
dominate classroom discussions for the sake of their own egos. I have counseled
students who could explain the biblical doctrine of progressive holiness while
nurturing secret worlds of lust and sexual sin. I have seen many men who were
months away from ministry who had not yet learned how to love people. Students
who could explain the biblical teaching of God’s grace were harsh, judgmental
legalists.
p 243 In short, we must not confuse insight
and change. Insight is a beginning, a part of the whole, but it is not the
whole. We do want people to see, know, and understand, but we also want them to
apply that insight to their daily life. God opens our eyes so that, in seeing
him, we would follow him more closely. This means that personal ministry should
not end too soon. If holiness is God’s goal, we must be willing to help others
through the process of change.
For many people, it is much
easier to know what is wrong than how to change it. I may have confessed a
selfish, idolatrous heart and seen its fruit in my relationship with my wife.
But it will be harder for me to think clearly and creatively about how to
repent and actually love her in specific ways. I may understand the major
themes of Scripture, but I may not know how to use them in certain situations
and relationships. We all need people to stand alongside us as we apply God’s
Word to our lives.
Ingredients Needed to Encourage Change
Have you
ever had personal insights that did not lead to lasting change? Has the theology
you have learned always had a practical impact on you? Have you ever made commitments that
somehow got lost in the frenetic pace of life? Have you ever known that certain changes
needed to take place, but you didn’t know how to make them? Have you ever lost
sight of your identity in Christ amid pressure, trial, or suffering? Have you ever
benefited from someone holding you accountable?
The final aspect of our model,
Do, teaches us how to apply truths we have learned, personal insights we have
gained, and commitments we have made, to our daily lives. Here we teach people
to be dissatisfied with the gap between their confessional and functional
theology. We lead them to live out their identity as children of God, claiming
the rights and privileges of the gospel. Do trains people in the decisions,
actions, relationships, and skills of Christ-centered, biblically informed
living. We have a wonderful opportunity not only to teach p 244 people how to solve their problems
biblically, but to turn their lives around for the long run.
Here, as always, it is vital to
keep the heart in view. People who begin to follow Christ by faith in practical
ways will increasingly expose their hearts. If they are willing to examine
them, they will see where they tend to doubt or don’t require themselves to
think biblically. They will see where they are tempted to run after
god-replacements and live for their own glory. And they will discover whether
they are ready to find hope and help in Christ or if they prefer to give in to
self-atoning patterns of excuse making, blame-shifting, and rewriting their own
history. As the heart is revealed, people can learn how to live a “changed and
being changed” life.
To help people in these areas,
you pursue four objectives:
1. Establish your personal ministry agenda. This
provides a sense of direction.
2. Clarify responsibility. As people apply truth to life,
the issue of who is responsible for what will always arise.
3. Instill identity in Christ. Change is a hard process, and
people need to be reminded of the resources that are theirs as children of God.
4. Provide accountability. Change demands patience and
perseverance, so we all need the encouragement, insight, and warning that a
system of oversight provides.
In
this chapter, we will look at the first two objectives.
Knowing Where You’re Going
If you
are driving somewhere new and you find yourself lost, you don’t want directions
from someone who just moved to the community and doesn’t know the area. Nor do
you want directions from a person so familiar with the area that he doesn’t
provide the details you need to find your way. As we help people chart a course
of change in p 245 their
lives, we need to avoid the same pitfalls. We need to remember that it is
impossible to lead a person to change if we don’t know where we are going, and
that what is obvious to us may be anything but obvious to another.
‣ Objective 1:
Establish Your Personal Ministry Agenda
This
is as important in informal personal ministry as it is in more formal
counseling situations. An agenda is simply a plan for accomplishing a goal, a
map that shows us our destination (the changes that need to take place) and how
to get there (How?
Where? When? With whom?). Our goal is more
than denouncing sin or solving the problem of the moment. We need to know what
specific changes God is calling this person to make in this situation.
What should Harry do about the
job that takes him away from his family eighty hours a week, thus threatening
his marriage?
How will George deal with his enslavement to pornography? How will Anita
confront her father for the abuse she endured at his hands? How can she learn
to forgive him?
What will Bob do about those deeply ingrained ways of thinking that contribute
to his suicidal depression?
How will Fran learn to live as a child of God, rather than a “failure and a
loser”? What
actions should Bill and Dorothy take to protect their rebellious son from
himself? How
will Andy restore the trust he has destroyed in his marriage? How will Lisa
defeat the fear that has paralyzed her? How can Dick live with gospel hope after a
crippling injury?
What does it look like for Stephanie to love, lead, and parent three demanding
toddlers?
Biblical personal ministry needs
to answer questions like these. We need to apply the principles, perspectives,
commands, and themes of God’s great redemptive story to the concrete realities
of a person’s life. We cannot leave people to themselves or advise them from a
distance. Yet all too often, our ministry is weakest here. We fail to recognize
that, on their own, people often have a hard time applying biblical truths to
their lives. We need to establish a biblical sense p 246 of direction (agenda) for our ministry
at this stage. Otherwise, our counsel will be weakened by:
• Personal bias
• Ignorance
• Poor theology
• Misunderstanding
of Scripture
• Improper
application of Scripture
• Fear of man
• Emotional
thinking
• Pressure of the
moment.
God
has chosen us to be his ambassadors in this person’s life! The Holy Spirit is
enlivening the person’s heart and empowering our words. The Savior is loving
and changing others through us. Nothing we can do is more important or will
have more lasting results. In view of the holiness of our calling, we should
not speak without preparation. We should ask questions that help us think
clearly about how to accomplish God’s goals for change in this person. Here are
three agenda-setting questions.
What does the Bible say about
the information that has been gathered? This
is not simply asking, “Where can I find a verse on _______?” We want to examine
things through the lens of the great themes of Scripture, to understand how a
distinctively biblical worldview shapes our response to the issues in the
person’s life. We are asking, “What has God taught, promised, commanded,
warned, encouraged, and done that addresses this situation?” This protects our
ministry from personal bias, unbiblical thinking, and a crisis-driven
impulsivity that can lead us into trouble.
Going through this process
demands humility on our part. One of the most harmful errors we can make in
ministry is to assume that we have “arrived” spiritually and theologically.
None of us has fully grasped the grandeur and practicality of Scripture. None
of us has a completely uncorrupted Christian worldview or mastered the gospel p 247 in all its applications and
implications. All of us are people in process, called to minister to other
people in process. We must confess our own blindness as we lead others to recognize
theirs. We all need the Holy Spirit as our Teacher just as much as the day we
first believed. Rich and powerful discoveries in Scripture await all of us,
discoveries that are brand new even from old, familiar passages.
Moments of ministry are opportunities
for us to sit at the Lord’s feet and learn new and deeper things. The needs of
the people we serve drive us deeper into Scripture to discover new treasures.
We should be thankful for another opportunity to use the tools God has given us
more carefully, skillfully, and efficiently. We should not assume that we have
arrived!
What are God’s goals for change
for this person in this situation? This
question applies God’s call to “put off” and “put on” (Eph. 4:22–24) to the
specifics of a person’s thoughts, motives, and behavior. What does God want her
to think, desire, and do?
Answering these questions marks out our destination. At this point, we need to
recognize that our agenda will not always be the same as the Lord’s. For
example, I may not want what God wants for the child abuser I am helping. I may
not want what God wants for an incredibly self-absorbed person who is bitter at
the world. I may not want what God wants for the angry person whose anger has
spilled over onto me. I may be a Jonah who resents God’s mercy to the modern
day Ninevites he calls me to serve. Asking this question keeps me from
confusing God’s agenda with my own. I cannot lead a person if I don’t know
where we are going, and I must only lead people where God is calling them.
This question takes the general
commands, themes, perspectives, and principles of Scripture and fashions them
into specific steps of change. The goals we establish must address the What? How? When? and Where? of change. We need
to present biblical goals that fit the context in which a person lives and
works. You can only do this if you have processed the person’s situation
through sound biblical thinking and concrete goal setting.
p 248 What are some biblical methods for
accomplishing God’s goals of change? After
establishing biblical goals, we need to determine the best biblical means of
accomplishing them. Often people have a sense of what is wrong, but the way
they seek to correct it complicates matters further. Let’s say you are
ministering to a husband who confesses that he has not encouraged his wife as
he should. It would not be biblical to advise him to bombard her with
flattering but insincere words. To provide the how, you must know God’s Word,
the situation, and the person’s heart motives well.
God will often surprise us at
this point. The Bible presents a lifestyle that is radically different from
anything we would concoct on our own. The Bible not only lays out a surprising
picture of what is wrong with us, but a surprising agenda for correction as
well. We always need to ask: How should this person put off what needs to be
put off, and put on what needs to be put on? To what steps of obedience is God calling
him?
Applying the Three Questions
Let’s
return to the “Sharon and Ed” example in chapter 10 as a way to understand how
these three questions help us set biblical goals. We saw that Sharon and Ed’s
relationship was marred by abuse, infidelity, isolation, manipulation and
retaliation. Though Sharon was “the most beautiful woman in the world” to Ed,
and Ed was “the best thing that ever happened” to Sharon, their marriage was on
the verge of collapse. There is more than one way to minister to Sharon and Ed,
but whatever we do must be shaped by clear biblical thinking and concrete
biblical goals. For our purposes here, we will focus the questions on Sharon.
What does the Bible say about
the information gathered?
• Sharon’s marriage is her primary human
relationship (Gen. 2; Eph. 5). Is she living this way?
• Relationship
struggles reveal our hearts (Luke 6:43–45; Mark 7).
p 249 • It is easier to see another’s faults than to
see our own (Matt. 7:3–5; Heb. 3:12–13).
• God calls us to
peace (Matt. 5:9; Rom. 12:14–21).
• God calls us to
be agents of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:16–21).
• Forgiveness is
the way to peace and reconciliation (Luke 17:3–4; Eph. 4:29–5:2).
• God gives Sharon
and Ed everything they need to work on their marriage (2 Peter 1:3–9).
• God clearly
describes how a husband and wife should relate to each other (Eph. 5:22–33).
• The core issue in
marriage is not what Sharon wants and the best way for her to get it, but what
God wants and the best way to pursue it.
In
each of these principles and themes is material that could revolutionize this
marriage. Imagine the difference if Sharon and Ed quit blaming each other and
humbly admitted that the things they have done reveal the true thoughts and
desires of their hearts. Imagine the fundamental changes that would take place
if they admitted what really is ruling their hearts and setting the agenda for
their marriage. Even better, imagine what would happen if biblical attitudes
became their daily personal agenda. When we actually apply biblical
perspectives to people’s daily lives, they rearrange them from the inside out.
As you help Sharon and Ed, these
perspectives remind you how deep the problems in this marriage are. Helping
this couple to develop a few communication skills will not make things better.
There is almost nothing in this marriage that does not need to be rebuilt! The
problems are first vertical, then horizontal. God has been removed as the ruler
of Sharon and Ed’s hearts and as the agenda setter for their marriage. Their
highest commitment is to their own personal happiness, and they are angry that
their mate has not delivered! As you look at this marriage biblically, you know
you must begin by calling them to repent of the god-replacements that control
their hearts and shape their marriage.
p 250 What are God’s goals of change for
Sharon?
• To move from blind self-righteousness to
humble self-awareness
• To move from
bitterness to forgiveness
• To move from
seeking vengeance to seeking to do good
• To move from
self-protection to loving and sacrificial service
• To move from
angry withdrawal to productive communication
• To move from
separation to the pursuit of reconciliation
• To entrust Ed to
God and quit being Ed’s “messiah”
Each
of these is more a category than a goal, and each would involve many specific
changes. For example, Sharon has been a willing partner in a vengeful, “Oh,
yeah? I’ll
show you!” marriage. God calls her to look for ways to do good even in the face
of evil. This agenda will lead to a myriad of changes in the way she responds
to Ed.
Fig.
13.1
Clarifying
Responsibility
p 251 What are biblical methods for
accomplishing God’s goals of change?
• Help Sharon to see herself in the mirror of
God’s Word.
• Have Sharon keep
a focused journal using the questions from chapter 10. This will help her see
how the themes of her heart play out in her actions and reactions.
• Encourage Sharon
to do the two circles exercise (Figure 13.1), with particular focus on her
relationship with Ed. This will give Sharon a clear understanding of her
God-given “job description” and a grasp of the things she must entrust to God.
• Study Psalm 73
and 1 Peter 1 with Sharon to help her escape the discouragement, anger, and
fear that result not only from Ed’s failure but her own self-absorption and
now-ism. Teach her how to set her eyes on what is unseen and eternal.
As we
seek to encourage change in the hearts and lives of others, we want to help
people not only to confess their sin but to repent as well. This is why we ask,
“How can I stimulate the kind of change that needs to take place in this person?” These three
questions provide a simple model that sets goals at the convergence of broad
biblical themes and personal application. They help us to pay attention to the
process of ministry. We are more than watchmen giving warning; we are actually
tools of change in the hands of the Redeemer.
‣ Objective 2:
Clarify Responsibility
One of
the most important questions in life is, “Who is responsible for what?” As you deal with
this question in ministry, you will tend to encounter three classes of people.
The first group is made up of
people who are irresponsible. They
fail to recognize and shoulder their God-given responsibilities. Next, you will
encounter those who are overly
responsible. These people take responsibility for things that God has not
assigned or equipped them to do. The third class of people is probably the
largest of the p 252 three.
These people are genuinely confused
about which things are their God-given jobs and which things they can entrust
to him. Sometime they are mini-messiahs, trying to do things that only God can
do. At other times, they ask God to take care of responsibilities he has
clearly placed on them. All three groups need to understand their
responsibilities in order to apply change meaningfully to their daily lives.
Figure 13.1 is a simple tool for
clarifying responsibility. Let’s start with the inner circle, the Circle of
Responsibility. This circle represents a particular person’s biblical job
description. These are the things that God, in his Word, calls this person to
do in his present situation and relationships. A man, for example, needs a
clear sense of what God calls him to do as a husband, father, neighbor,
relative, son, worker, and member of the body of Christ. God is calling him to
deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Christ (Luke 9:23–25), and to no
longer live for himself, but for the Lord (2 Cor. 5:14–15). The response of
faith in this case is obedience. Our job is to help this man find specific ways
to respond, in the obedience of faith, to this call to discipleship.
In this circle, we ask the
person to list what he thinks are his God-assigned duties in each role God has
given him (as a father, employee, etc.) Next, we help him examine his list in
light of Scripture, to discover whether the things he listed really are what
God has called him to do. Often there are discrepancies between our lists and
God’s! When we see this, we can gain a better sense of what God actually
expects of us—and will enable us to do by his grace.
The outer circle, the Circle of
Concern, represents those things that are important to a person (the love of a
spouse, a child’s salvation), yet beyond his ability to bring about. Therefore,
they are not his responsibility. Here we are calling a person to recognize his
limits and to remember God, who is faithful to his promises (Ps. 145:13) and
sovereign over all things (Acts 17:24–28). The response of faith in this case
is to entrust these matters to God in prayer.
People confuse these circles in
two main ways. First, they allow the inner circle to expand into the outer
circle, so that they function p 253 as
mini-messiahs, trying to do what only God can do. Second, they shrink the inner
circle and, under the guise of trusting God, neglect to do what God calls them
to do. We want to help them avoid both pitfalls.
Imagine how helpful this
exercise would be for Sharon, who has clearly been very confused about the
issue of responsibility. Sometimes she has acted as if she were lord, master,
and messiah, attempting to do what only God can do (expanding her Circle of
Responsibility inappropriately). At other times she has been unbiblically
passive, waiting for God to do the very things he has clearly assigned to her
(shrinking her Circle of Responsibility inappropriately). Sharon would greatly
benefit from having the issue of responsibility clarified for her.
If Sharon lives as a
mini-messiah (with too large a Circle of Responsibility), there will be two
negative effects. First, since she is trying to do God’s job, she will
experience discouragement, frustration, and failure. After all, she is not
qualified! Second, because she is focusing on God’s job, she will tend to leave
undone the things that God, in his Word, has given her to carry out. Sharon has
experienced both problems as she has sought to make changes in her marriage.
As another example, Alicia is
concerned about her teenage son, Matt. He is increasingly rebellious,
irresponsible, unkind, and selfish. He is missing more school than he is
attending. Alicia has told Matt and her close friends that her goal is to “turn
Matt into a responsible Christian if it is the last thing I ever do.” This is
the goal of a mini-messiah, although Alicia doesn’t realize it. She has
improperly expanded her Circle of Responsibility to cover things that belong in
her Circle of Concern. Though she can do certain things to help, challenge,
discipline, and encourage Matt (things that are within her Circle of
Responsibility), she cannot control Matt’s heart (a matter that belongs in her
Circle of Concern). Only God can do that. Alicia is taking God’s job as her own
and she will experience failure and frustration as a result.
Having too small an inner
circle—attempting to give back to God what he has called me to do—will have two
negative results as well. p 254 First,
I will waste time and prayer if I wait for God to do something he has assigned
me to do. I will think God has failed me when, in fact, I have failed him! If
overly responsible people are mini-messiahs, people who shrink their inner
circle are “spiritual vacationers.” They have abandoned their God-assigned
workplace and are lounging around, expecting him to do their job. God will
empower me to do the things he has called me to do, but he will not do them for
me! Therefore, I will be waiting for something I will not receive. And as I am
waiting, the second negative result will surface: things will worsen because of
what I have left undone.
What would happen, for example,
if Alicia had the opposite reaction to Matt’s rebellion and made her Circle of
Responsibility too small?
What if Alicia said to her friends, “I’ve decided to let go and let God deal
with Matt. I can’t parent him any more; God is just going to have to do a
miracle.” It is true that only God can change Matt’s heart, but it is also true
that God positions and uses people to accomplish his miraculous plan. He has
given Matt a mother because Matt needs a mother, and because he intends to
bring his truth to bear on Matt through her. Alicia should daily entrust Matt
to the Lord, while she continues to do the things God has called her to do as a
parent. God wants Alicia to live out an active, obedient trust, not a passive
one.
A passive response may appear to
be the “spiritual” thing to do, but it is just as unbiblical as living like a
mini-messiah. It is the response people often make when facing a broken
relationship. Let’s say that Dave knows that he has a broken relationship with
his friend Alec. Alec hardly calls any more and hasn’t asked for Dave to pray
for him, as he used to, in months. Dave knows that their problems go back to a
public disagreement he had with Alec a year ago. Dave says that he has “dealt
with it in his heart” and is now waiting for God to restore the relationship.
That response reveals that Dave’s Circle of Responsibility is too small. The
Bible clearly calls him to take steps to be reconciled to Alec (Matt. 5:23–24).
Many Christians also take a
“passive trust” approach to seeking guidance and direction from the Lord. They
think that knowing p 255 God’s
will comes as God reveals his secret plan to them; then they will know what to
do. But guidance is really a matter of obedient, active trust. I examine the
options before me using the principles, themes, and perspectives of Scripture.
Then, to the best of my knowledge and ability, I apply biblical wisdom and make
a decision. My decision is not based on reading God’s mind, but on things he
has clearly revealed in his Word. As I step forward, I entrust myself to the
Lord, knowing that he rules over everything and will place me where he wants
me. This is the biblical model of guidance. Too many people have their
“Christian divining rods” out in hopes of discovering the secret will of God.
Meanwhile, the Bible in their hands is unopened—the thing God has said will be
a “lamp to their feet and a light to their path”!
Trust and Obey
The
Christian life can really be boiled down to two words: trust and obey. I must
always entrust the things that are out of my control to God (Circle of
Concern), and I must always be faithful to obey his clear and specific commands
(Circle of Responsibility). Romans 12:14–21 is a wonderful passage to use to
explain this “trust and obey” lifestyle.
Bless
those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who
rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not
be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be
conceited.
Do not
repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of
everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with
everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for
it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary:
p 256 “If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he
is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In
doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Do not
be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
What
is powerful about this passage is that it lays out the “trust and obey”
lifestyle in the context of mistreatment. God clearly explains our duties in
the face of wrong treatment:
• Bless those who persecute you (v. 14).
• Be tender and
compassionate (v. 15).
• Commit to living
in harmony (v. 16).
• Do not be proud
(v. 16).
• As far as you
can, live at peace with everyone (v. 19).
• Meet your enemy’s
need (v. 20).
• Overcome evil
with good (v. 21).
In
making my responsibilities under mistreatment clear, Paul also makes it clear
that there are things that I must not take as my responsibility. For example, I
must not retaliate or seek revenge. These are things that only God has the
right and the power to do. They are, in fact, things he has promised to do. I
must not load them onto my shoulders.
At the same time, it is wrong to
be passive in the face of mistreatment, waiting around for God to do something.
God calls us to be obediently active, looking for ways to do good, make peace,
and meet needs. In the process, we continue to entrust the person who has
wronged us to God’s just and merciful hands. In short, we must do what God has
called us to do in a spirit of joyful submission, and, in a spirit of humble
trust, let God do what he alone can do.
Few areas are more confusing to
people than the area of personal responsibility. They need practical clarity to
help them through the process of change. We can help them first by providing a
clear sense of direction as we think biblically about God’s agenda. Second, we
can help by clarifying the issue of responsibility and applying p 257 the “trust and obey” lifestyle to their
daily situations and relationships.
Holding onto God’s grace and
glory is the only way to deal with the disappointment and loss that is so much
a part of life. As we hold these themes before people, we not only participate
in God’s kingdom work of lasting change, we also introduce them to the Person
who offers the highest human satisfaction that can be found.[1]
[1] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the
Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change.
Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.
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