1. What about Grace’s situation; who do you think Grace was angry with and why? Do you have a personal story about how someone loved you through such Suffering? What did they share that comforted you and brought you peace? Pg. 141-142.
2. What are the ultimate reasons why we suffer? Pg. 143-144. Do these reasons why we suffer provide us comfort or ease the pain and grieving in our Suffering? Reflect on what does.
3. How does Christ identify with our Suffering? Pg. 145-146.
4. How can we imitate Him in our relationships with others in their Suffering? Pg. 146-147.
5. What does Heb 2:10 mean by saying Christ was made perfect through Suffering? Pg. 147-149. What was the purpose of Christ’s Suffering, and how is that different from the purpose of our Suffering?
6. What are some ways not to communicate comfort and compassion to those who suffer? Knowing that God is the source of true compassion, how can we show comfort and compassion to those suffering? Pgs. 150-153
7. What is the redemptive purpose of our Suffering? Pg. 154
8. What are the storytelling guidelines, and what are the goals for us and those suffering? Pgs. 155-159
CONCEPTS AND OBJECTIVES Building Relationships in Which God’s Work Will Thrive
Concept: God calls us to suffer so that we would be qualified agents of his comfort and compassion.
Personalized: I need to ask, “Where has God led me through suffering and what has he taught me through it?”
Related to others: I need to look for the sufferers that God has placed in my path. Have I functioned in their lives as God’s agent of comfort?
LESSON CONTENT
In this lesson, we begin to look at the remaining two aspects of love in a ministry relationship pictured in figure 5-2:
Identify with Suffering
Have you ever gone through a hard time and felt completely alone? Have you ever, in the middle of suffering, wondered if you were the only one who had gone through such a thing? Have you ever thought, in the middle of difficulty, that the people around you didn’t really care? Have you gone through things that made you wonder if God cared?
One of the predictable realities of life in a fallen world is suffering. It is everywhere around us. It has touched each of our lives. Suffering is both a tool of redemption and an occasion for great temptation. Suffering is the common ground of personal ministry. It is the thing we share with everyone we meet.
Turn to Hebrews 2:10–11. This passage points to the importance of recognizing the commonality of suffering. Notice once again that Christ is our model here. This passage is about how Christ, “the author of our salvation,” identifies with us. It says that Christ is not ashamed to call us “brothers.” Pay attention to the nature of this term. The title “brother” not only connotes family relationship; it connotes sibling relationship. A sibling is an equal. To say you are my brother means:
• We
are in the same family.
• We
are in a similar position in the family.
• We share the same life experiences because of that position.
This should be the character of our personal ministry. It does not have that “I stand above you as one who has arrived” character. The character of personal ministry is humility. It flows out of the humble recognition that we share an identity. We are not finished products. God has not completed his work in us. We stand as brothers in the middle of God’s lifelong process of change. We are not this person’s guru. We are not what he or she needs. Change will not happen simply because he is exposed to our wisdom and experiences. We share identity, we share experience, and we are of the same family.
But we need to go further here. Look back at the Hebrews passage. What is the center, the core of our brotherhood? What is the thing we have in common with Christ? The answer is suffering.
Notice that verse 10 says something very interesting (and a bit confusing) about Christ. It says that, like us, he was made perfect through suffering. The writer is explaining how Christ shares identity with us, and making a connection between Christ’s life and ours. The connection is found in the words “should make the author of their salvation perfect through suffering.” If we understand this connection, we will have a better understanding of our relationship to Christ and how he has called us to minister to others.
So think for a moment: how did suffering make Christ perfect? When he came to earth, wasn’t he already perfect?
You
see the connection illustrated in figure 6-1. The left side pictures the life
of Christ on earth. Christ had lived in eternity as the perfect Son of God, yet
something else was needed before he could go to the cross as the perfect Lamb
for sacrifice. His perfection needed to successfully endure the test of life in
this fallen world. Christ needed to face sin and suffering without sinning. So
at the end of his earthly life, how was Christ “made perfect”? He was now not only
the perfect Son of God, but he had a perfection that had successfully endured
the test of suffering. He now had demonstrated his righteousness on earth, and
he had done so through suffering.
Notice, as you look at the picture, the direct analogy to his work in us. We are declared perfect in Christ (justification), but through the process of suffering, we actually do become holy (sanctification). We are being made perfect through the same process that Christ went through. The identity we share is:
•
Brothers
•
Brothers in suffering
• Brothers in suffering that leads to holiness
This is also the identity we share with those we seek to love and help. Even with unbelievers, this shared brotherhood is our goal. We stand alongside one another. We are equals (brothers). We share the same experience (suffering). Our experience has the same goal (holiness). Let’s consider how this identity should shape personal ministry:
It determines our posture in personal ministry. We do not stand above the people God calls us to serve. We stand alongside them as brothers, pointing them to the Father who is our source of help.
It determines the character of our ministry. Christ’s humility in identifying with us in Hebrews 2 calls us to minister to others with a humble compassion (love). We are humble because we recognize that we, too, are people in the midst of God’s process of change. And we are compassionate because we understand the realities of suffering that God uses to form us into his image.
It deals with the dependency issue. Often in personal ministry the people receiving help develop an unhealthy dependence on the people God is using in their lives. Here it is clear that we—the helpers—are not what the people need. In fact, we are just like them—people in need of God’s ongoing work of change.
It redeems our experiences. All of the experiences God has brought us through, all of the things he has done for us, and all the ways he has changed us give us stories to tell. These personal stories allow us to present God’s truth with a flesh-and-blood realism. This clarifies the truths being presented and gives hope to the hearer. My life becomes a window through which the person can see the grace and glory of the Lord.
Accept with Agenda
Here again we follow the example of Christ’s love for us. The amazing grace that causes Christ to accept us into his family is not a grace that says we are okay. In fact, it is clear that the reason God extends his gracious acceptance to us is that we are everything but okay. As you and I enter God’s family, we are people in need of radical personal change. So God’s acceptance is not a call to relax but a call to work. We need to rest in his gift of grace, knowing that we do not have to earn acceptance with him. At the same time we need to realize that he calls us to participate in his lifelong work of change.
It is wrong to approach a struggling brother or sister with a critical, condemning, or self-righteous spirit. We must grant them the same grace and love that we received from God. At the same time, we do not want that offer of grace to be misunderstood. God’s grace is always grace leading to change. Change is God’s agenda in order that we would become partakers of his divine nature (2 Peter 1:4). As we seek to love people with the love of Christ, we must also hold before them God’s call to change (Titus 2:11–3:8).
THE BIG QUESTION: Are you building relationships in which acceptance and a call to change are woven together?
CPR
Concepts
1. God
ordains for us to suffer so that we would be qualified agents of his comfort
and compassion.
2. God calls us to offer to others the same loving acceptance that he has given us. That acceptance always has change as its goal.
Personalized
1. Have I
tended to hoard the comfort that God has given me?
2. Am I
taking advantage of the opportunities God is giving me to comfort others with
the comfort I have received from him?
3. Have I accepted God’s call to participate in his process of lifelong change?
Related to others
1. I need
to look for the sufferers God has placed in my path.
2. What
stories in my own life could be used as examples of the hope and comfort God
gives us in suffering?
3. Right now, where is God giving me the opportunity to offer grace leading to change to another person?
How to Tell Your Story
A Biblical Model
2 Corinthians 1:3–11
·
God, the source of true compassion (v.
3)
·
God’s comfort has ministry in view (v.
4).
·
God’s purposes for us to share in
Christ’s suffering (v. 5)
·
Even our suffering does not belong to
us but to the Lord (v. 6).
· The redemptive purpose in all of this is firm hope amid the harsh realities of a fallen world (v. 7).
2.
The Methodology: Telling the stories of my struggle
and the Lord’s help
·
Tell your story in a way that breaks
down the misconception that you are essentially different from the person you are
helping (v. 8).
·
Always tell a completed story. It needs
to include a difficult situation, your struggle in the midst of it, and how God
helped you (v. 8).
·
As you tell your story, be honest in
describing your struggles and failures (v. 9).
·
Be discerning and purposeful as you
tell the story. Limit the amount of “gory” detail. The situation is not the
focus but the God who met you in the middle of it (v. 9).
·
Always tell your story in a way that
makes God the key actor in the drama (v. 10).
·
Tell your story with humility,
admitting your continuing need for grace. Perhaps you will seek help (prayer)
from the person to whom you are ministering (vv. 10–11).
·
Always state that the story makes it
clear that you are not what this person needs—God is. At best, you are one of
God’s instruments who shares a daily need for his mercy and grace (v. 9).
· The goal of your story should always be worship. All true hope and comfort are rooted in a recognition of and thankfulness for God, his character, and his help. True hope does not come because you try to say something that will somehow make the person feel better (v. 11).
3. Corollary
Passage: 2
Corinthians 4:7–18.
Make It Real
In 2 Corinthians 1:3–7, Paul makes it clear that our suffering and our experience of God’s comfort have ministry in view. As we consider our own stories, we prepare ourselves to offer to others the same comfort we received from the Lord. We look back on our experiences not only to be thankful for what God has done but to encourage others to rely on the grace of Christ as they suffer. So let’s celebrate God’s comfort as we look back, but don’t just celebrate! Let’s look for the ways God has equipped us to bring his comfort to others. Ask him, “Is there someone I know who needs this comfort right now?”
1. List three situations in which God ministered his
comfort to you in the midst of difficulty, suffering, or trial.
2. List the things you learned from these situations
about God’s presence, power, grace, love, promises, provisions, and so on.
3. In light of your Personal Ministry Opportunity,
write out one of your “stories” using the guide from 2
Corinthians 1:3–11. Connect your story specifically to the
person or group you have chosen as your focus. Pray for an opportunity to share
it.
Chapter 8 Study Questions
Building Relationships by Identifying with Suffering
P 141
1. What about Grace’s situation; who do you think Grace was angry with and why? Do you have a personal story about how someone loved you through such Suffering? What did they share that comforted you and brought you peace? Pg. 141-142.
She folded up her white cane
and I led her to my office. She was not only blind but lame in one leg. I had
worked at a school for the blind during seminary and thought it was amazing
that God had brought her my way. I was familiar with the lifestyle and
struggles of the blind, but I was not prepared for her story.
She was an only child. Her
mother had tried for fifteen years to get pregnant, only to endure a string of
miscarriages. Finally at forty she got pregnant and didn’t miscarry. Her mother
felt blessed, as if her life was about to begin. She chose a beautiful name,
Grace, and waited in anxious expectation. Finally, Grace was born early one
morning after twenty hours of tortuous labor. But her mother’s dream was not to
be realized. Grace was fretful, sickly, demanding. There seemed to be few
moments when she wasn’t crying. She had problems with her breathing and
digestion. She seemed to contract every childhood illness. She didn’t sleep
through the night for her entire infancy. Her mother was seldom able to take
her out of the house.
Grace’s mother thought she was the victim of a cruel fate. After all the years of waiting, she was left with a child who could barely live. Increasingly the demands, cries, and constant work made her angry. She wondered why she had ever wanted a child. She remembered how easy life had been before. In subtle ways at first, her anger began to spill over toward Grace: a yank here, a little slap there. But the irritation eventually grew into full-blown rage. When she looked at her little girl, she saw someone who had robbed her of life. Grace began to listen for her mother’s footsteps so she could hide under the bed or in the closet. Her mother would then have to search for her, making her even angrier. In one of those angry encounters Grace’s leg was permanently injured.
P 142
By the time Grace was eight
years old, her eyes had begun to fail as a result of repeated blows to her
head. She could no longer see to read, yet she was afraid to let anyone know
how bad her eyesight actually was. She thought she was fooling everyone, but
she wasn’t. Just after her ninth birthday, Grace went to school for what she thought
was a normal day. Instead, she was asked to leave her classroom and go to the
office, where a lady she didn’t know stood with a suitcase full of Grace’s
clothes. Without saying goodbye to her mother or her friends, she was
transferred to a residential school for the blind where she would remain until
she graduated from high school. Grace never lived at home again.
She now sat before me, telling
her story with angry tears. Grace was still alone. In her fearful, judgmental
anger, she had trashed every relationship she had ever had. Yet she was deeply
persuaded that people were abusing her as her mother once did. Her willingness
to talk to me was itself an act of angry desperation. During her time in the
school for the blind, Grace had taken a religion class where she met a
wonderful teacher who shared the gospel with her. She had sought me out because
she wanted to talk to a Christian; she was convinced it was the only way she
would hear the truth. At the same time, she didn’t want anyone to feed her a
bunch of biblical platitudes.
I listened to her in tears,
praying as she talked, quite aware that I was called to incarnate the Lord in
this suffering woman’s life.
What would you say to Grace? What do you think she needs to hear? What does the Bible say to the Graces of the world? How would you like Grace to look at her past, her present, and her future? How would you build a relationship with her in which God’s kingdom work would thrive?
In a World Where Suffering Is Common
P 143
2. What are the ultimate reasons why we suffer? Pg. 143-144. Do these reasons why we suffer provide us comfort or ease the pain and grieving in our Suffering? Reflect on what does.
We don’t like to think about it,
but we live in a world where Suffering is common. In a fallen world populated
by sinners, we should not be surprised. We should be surprised that we do not
suffer more. Our Suffering ranges from the temporary wounds of someone’s
thoughtlessness to horrible experiences of mistreatment and abuse. We are all
suffering sinners. It is the thing we share with everyone we meet. As such, it
is common ground for personal ministry.
Yet we don’t often see it that
way. We tend to be shocked when we hear stories like Grace’s, and we live with
the hope that the really bad things will never happen to us. More importantly,
we struggle with how to relate to people who have suffered. Too often we reduce
our ministry to biblical platitudes and promises of prayer, establishing a wide
buffer zone around people who are in deep pain. Sure, we will send a card, pay
a visit, say a prayer, and read a passage, but we are ill at ease and can’t
wait to be on our way. But sooner or later, we will suffer, too. Our experience
differs only in the degree of the pain. No wonder the Bible has so much to say
about the reality of personal Suffering.
1. The
Bible clearly declares that God is sovereign over all things—even suffering. Many of us mistakenly think that
God has nothing to do with the bad things that happen in our world. Yet
Scripture takes us in a completely different direction. It roots our hope in
the reality that God is not the author of our Suffering, but he is with us in
our Suffering (Ex. 4:11; 1 Sam. 2:2–7; Dan. 4:34–35; Prov. 16:9; Ps. 60:3; Isa.
45:7; Lam. 3:28; Amos 3:6; Acts 4:27–28; Eph. 1:11).
2. The
Bible clearly says that God is good. It is
faulty thinking to say that a truly good God would never allow a person to
suffer, or that if God really loved you, he wouldn’t let x happen to you. The
Bible declares that an infinitely good God is in the middle of our most painful
experiences (Ps. 25:7–8; 34:8–10; 33:5; 100:5; 136; 145:4–9).
3. The Bible clearly says that God has a purpose for our Suffering. The Bible doesn’t present suffering as a hindrance to our redemption, but as a tool God uses to work his redemptive purpose in us (Rom. 8:17; 2 Cor. 1:3–6; Phil. 2:5–9; James 1:2–8; 5:10–11; 1 Peter.).
P 144
4. The
Bible explains the ultimate reasons why we suffer.
• We suffer because we live in a fallen world
plagued by disease, natural disasters, dangerous animals, broken machinery,
etc.
• We suffer because of our flesh. Much of our
Suffering is at our own hands. We make choices that make our own lives painful
and difficult.
• We suffer because others sin against us. From subtle prejudice to personal attacks, we all suffer at the hands of others.
• We suffer because of the Devil. There really is an enemy in our world, a trickster and a liar who divides, destroys, and devours. He tempts us with things that promise to give life but actually destroy it.
• We suffer because of God’s good purpose.
God calls his children to suffer for his glory and for their redemptive good.
5. The
Bible is clear that God’s sovereignty over suffering never:
• Means the Suffering isn’t real (2 Cor.
1:3–9; 4:1–16).
• Excuses the evildoer (Habakkuk; Acts 2:22–24; 3:14–23).
When we enter into other people’s experiences of Suffering, we want our responses to be shaped by compassionate, biblical thinking.[1]
Suffering and Personal Ministry
This leads us to the third aspect of the Love that promotes God’s work in a person’s life. Here, too, Christ is our model.
‣ Element of Love 3: Identity with Suffering
P 145
3. How does Christ identify with our Suffering? Pg. 145-146.
Have you ever gone through a
hard time and felt completely alone? Have you ever felt as if you were two
different people—the private sufferer and the person who is “known” by the
people around you? Have you ever wanted to tell your story but were afraid of
what others may think? Have you ever wanted to exchange someone’s life for your
own? Has your Suffering ever diminished your desire for personal worship, the
teaching of God’s Word, or the fellowship of the body of Christ? Have you ever
wished you didn’t have to get up in the morning because of the difficulty you
had to face? Have you ever tried to talk to someone about your Suffering only
to lose your courage? Have you ever been put off by people’s quick suggestions,
wrong assumptions, and biblical platitudes? In the midst of life’s harsh
realities, have you ever cried out (silently or aloud) for help?
If you are alive, you answered
yes to at least a few of these questions. You are a sufferer who has been
called by God to minister to others in pain. Suffering is not only the common
ground of human relationships, but one of God’s most useful workrooms. As God’s
ambassadors, we need to learn how to identify with those who suffer. We do this
by learning from the example of the Wonderful Counselor in passages such as
Hebrews 2:10–12.
In bringing many sons to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the author of their salvation perfect through Suffering. Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers. He says,
“I
will declare your name to my brothers;
in the presence of the congregation, I will sing your praises.”
This passage is about how Christ, “the author of our salvation,” identifies with us. It tells us that we are in the same family as Christ. This family is more than the family of man. The author of Hebrews is pointing to a very specific shared identity. We are with Christ in the family of those who suffer. We must not forget that we serve a Suffering Savior. We do not seek help from someone who cannot understand our experience. Jesus is compassionate and understanding.
P 146
4. How can we imitate Him in our relationships with others in their Suffering? Pg. 146-147.
He can help us because he is like
us. He went through what we are going through now. He knows us and our
experiences, because we are in the same family, the family of those who have
suffered.
But there is more. The passage
says that Christ is not ashamed to call us “brothers.” The title brother
connotes a particular position in the family, a sibling relationship of equals.
Christ could not have chosen a more powerful term to identify with us. Three
aspects of this identification stand out:
1. We are in the same family.
2. We are in a similar position in the
family.
3. We share similar life experiences because of that position.
This captures the humble
character of personal ministry. Our service must not have an “I stand above you
as one who has arrived” character. It flows out of a humble recognition that we
share an identity with those we serve. God has not completed his work in me,
either. We are brothers and sisters in the middle of God’s lifelong process of
change. I am not anyone’s guru. Change will not happen simply because someone is
exposed to my wisdom and experience. We share identity, we share experience,
and we are of the same family.
This posture is essential for God-honoring personal ministry. First, it recognizes that God sends people my way, not only so that they will change but so that I will too. The Wonderful Counselor is working on everyone in the room. God repeatedly uses the difficulties of a ministry relationship and the revelation of his redemptive glory to challenge, deepen, and strengthen my faith. Because I have a front row seat to the heart-transforming work of God, I minister to others with greater hope, expectancy, and courage. What is more, I live with more courage and hope for my own life. There is no question that the person who has benefited most from my ministry is me!
P 147
5. What does Heb 2:10 mean by saying Christ was made perfect through Suffering? Pg. 147-149. What was the purpose of Christ’s Suffering, and how is that different from the purpose of our Suffering?
This shared identity posture
also protects us from the unhealthy dependency that can derail counseling,
discipleship, and personal ministry. We are not what people need. Our purpose
is to connect them to a living, active, redeeming Christ. He gives them what
they need so that they can do what they have been called to do amid the
difficulties of life. I am nothing more than a brother. I stand alongside you
and point you to the Father. I stand next to you and tell you stories of his
amazing Love and care. I share with you the things I have learned on his lap
and at his feet. I take your hand and walk with you to him. As brothers and
sisters, we put the focus where it must be—on our all-wise, almighty, and
ever-present Father. We need more than acceptance or practical strategies for
change. We need the forgiveness, deliverance, and empowerment that only God’s Grace
can give.
A humble identity as a brother-in-process also helps my life to be an example. Sometimes people put us on pedestals that rob our stories of their power. They hear our stories but forget that we are sinners just like them. They forget that we live with the pressures of relationships and work. We, too, have to control our thoughts and rein in our desires. As a result, they hear words that are meant to encourage them and think, Easy for you. Your life bears no resemblance to my impoverished existence. Your advice is nice, but it simply doesn’t apply to me. The more we are honest about who we are, the more we are willing to stand alongside people and not above them, the more our lives will offer hope.
Suffering with a Purpose
Look back at Hebrews 2. The core
of our brotherhood with Christ and other people is suffering. But what is the
purpose of our common Suffering?
Verse 10 says something very
interesting (and a bit confusing) about Christ. It says that, like us, he was
made perfect through Suffering. The writer is making a connection between
Christ’s life and ours. If we understand it, we will gain a better
understanding of how he has called us to minister to others.
How did Suffering make Christ perfect? Wasn’t he already perfect? What did his Suffering on earth (the same process we go through daily) add to his perfection?
P 148
Scripture teaches that Christ
had lived in eternity as the perfect Son of God, yet something was
needed before he, as the Son of Man, could go to the cross as the perfect Lamb
for sacrifice. He had to live on earth as the Second Adam, enduring the full
range of experiences, tests, and temptations that make up life in the fallen
world. The first Adam had failed the test, so Christ had to face sin and Suffering
throughout his whole life without sinning. So how was Christ made perfect? Not
only by being the perfect Son of God but by proving himself to be the perfect
Son of Man. His perfection successfully endured the test of Suffering.
The author of Hebrews suggests
that there is a direct analogy between Christ’s life and ours. Just as Christ
was declared perfect in eternity, we are declared perfect in Christ
(justification). And just as Christ’s Suffering demonstrated his righteousness
on earth, we also become holy through the process of Suffering
(sanctification). We are being made perfect through the same process that
Christ went through! (See Figure 8.1.)
This is also the identity we share with those we seek to love and help. Even with unbelievers, this shared brotherhood (or sisterhood) is our goal. We stand alongside each other. We are equal. We share the same experience of Suffering. And our experience has the same goal of holiness. Let’s consider the impact of this identity on personal ministry.
P 149
Fig.
8.1
Fellow
Sufferers with Christ (Heb. 2:10–11)
It gives us the opportunity to
make truth concrete for people. Often the truths we share are robbed of their
power because people are unable to see them in action. But because we share
identity with those we serve, these truths can be presented as concrete
realities in the midst of life. We must incarnate the truths we hold out,
carrying them out of the abstract into the familiar locations of everyday life.
It encourages people to depend
on Christ rather than on us. We must faithfully present ourselves as people who
need Christ every moment of every day. We are never more than his ambassadors,
his instruments of change.
It encourages humility and
honesty. One of the radical differences between secular therapy and biblical
ministry is the importance of sharing our own stories of struggle. Christ wants
me to give evidence of what he can do. As I am humbly honest, the Redeemer will
use my story to bring hope to another person.
It redeems my story. God has
brought me through sin and Suffering not only to change me but to enable me to
minister to others. My story is a small chapter in the grand story of
redemption, and Christ is on center stage. My story is much more about him than
it is about me. In this way, even my failures result in his glory. In my own
weakness, foolishness, and inability, I have learned the truthfulness of his
promises and the reality of his presence. This makes my story a vehicle of
change in the lives of others.
It makes my life a window to the
glory of Christ. Often people look at us and want to be like us. We may be more
mature, and we may have greater wisdom, but we are not essentially different
from the people we hope to help. But when we emphasize that we are brothers and
sisters, we are no longer viewed as idealized models. We become windows people
can look through to see the presence, power, Love, and Grace of Christ. Our
lives frame the beauty of what he can do.
It results in the worship of Christ. When you have spent fifteen minutes in front of a Monet, you are thankful that he had paintbrushes, but you are not in awe of them. You are in awe of Monet and his ability as a painter.
P 150
6. What are some ways not to communicate comfort and compassion to those who suffer? Knowing that God is the source of true compassion, how can we show comfort and compassion to those suffering? Pgs. 150-153
The posture of brotherhood
presents Christ as the great redemptive Artist. We are simply brushes in his
hands. The glorious changes he paints into the hearts of people are not the
result of good brushes but of the skills of the Painter.
As we point people to Christ, he becomes the focus of our attention and the recipient of our praise. Truly biblical personal ministry always results in increasingly mature worship.
Comfort, Compassion, and Your Story
What does it mean to comfort
those who suffer? How do we come alongside them with compassion? Often we are
unsure of what to say. We struggle with how to comfort someone who has lost a
loved one or who faces past experiences that can never be undone. We do not
want to communicate truths in ways that are cheap and platitudinous. We want to
anchor the person in what is true as he deals with his Suffering, but in a way
that shows him that we understand the intensity of his trial. We want to show
him that the truths we share are robust enough to carry him through. Most of
all, we want him to know that he is not alone because Christ is present as his
Helper in times of trouble. The question is, “How do we avoid these pitfalls
and accomplish these goals?”
A helpful answer is found in Paul’s second letter to the church in Corinth.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
P 151
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts, we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him, we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us as you help us with your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many. (2 Cor. 1:3–11)
This passage summarizes the nature of Christian compassion and the process of communicating it to others. It can be neatly divided into two sections: a model or paradigm (vv. 3–7) and a process or methodology (vv. 8–11).
The Model: Viewing Suffering and Comfort Redemptively
If you listed everything you know about Suffering and comfort, what themes would emerge from your list? Do you struggle to put God’s Love alongside his call for us to suffer? Do the two appear contradictory? In a culture that canonizes comfort and sees suffering as horrible interference, we need a biblical paradigm of both Suffering and comfort. Paul offers that here.
God is the source of true compassion.
Real comfort is more than thinking the right things in times of trouble. It involves having my identity rooted in something deeper than my relationships, possessions, achievements, wealth, health, or my ability to figure it all out. Real comfort is found when I understand that I am held in the hollow of the hand of the One who created and rules all things. The most valuable thing in my life is God’s Love, a love that no one can take away. When my identity is rooted in him, the storms of trouble will not blow me away.
P 152
This is the comfort we offer
people. We don’t comfort them by saying that things will work out. They may
not. The people around them may change, but they may not. The Bible tells us
again and again that everything around us is in the process of being taken
away. God and his Love are all that remain as cultures and kingdoms rise and
fall. Comfort is found by sinking our roots into the unseen reality of God’s
ever-faithful Love.
But Paul is saying even more here. He says that there would be no such thing as compassion on earth if it were not for God. He is the source of all compassion. This point is important, because if God is the source of compassion, it makes no sense for his children to be uncaring. If we are members of his family and partakers of his divine nature, increasingly conformed to his image, we should be marked by our compassion. We should be more than theological answer machines. Because of our connection to the Father, we can bring comfort to a world where Suffering is a constant reality. We should weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn, and so incarnate the One who is compassionate.
The comfort we have received from the Lord has a ministry in view.
God has chosen me not only to be the recipient of his Grace but to convey his Grace to others. I must not hoard the comfort I have received like some spiritual heirloom. I have been called to share what I have received. The comfort we share is not rooted in abstract theology but in our experience of being comforted by the Lord in our own times of trouble. We want sufferers around us to experience what we have been given by the Lord.
God wants us to share in Christ’s Suffering. The logic in 2 Corinthians is simple:
You have been called to suffer so that you would experience God’s comfort. You have experienced God’s comfort so that you can comfort others. As they receive God’s comfort through you, they can bring that comfort to others. Our Suffering is not a gap in God’s Love, as if the Devil crept in while the Lord’s head was turned.
P 153
Peter says it this way: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange was happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed” (1 Peter 4:12–13). Suffering does not mean that God’s plan has failed. It is the plan. Suffering is a sign that we are in the family of Christ and the army of the kingdom. We suffer because we carry his name. We suffer so that we may know him more deeply and appreciate his Grace more fully. We suffer so that we may be part of the good he does in the lives of others.
Even our Suffering does not belong to us but to the Lord.
Perhaps it is easier to
recognize that our blessings belong to the Lord than it is to recognize that he
owns our Suffering. If you watch someone suffer, you will see that we tend to
treat suffering as something that belongs to us, something we can respond to as
we, please. We tend to turn in on ourselves. Our world shrinks to the size of
our pain. We want little more than release, and we tend to be irritable and
demanding.
It does not take long to learn
that Suffering gives you power. As you cry in pain, people run to help you.
They offer you physical comforts, say nice things, and release you from your
duties. I once watched a little boy fall off his bike several houses away from
home. He started to cry, but then he quickly stopped. He picked up his bike and
walked in silence to his house. When he stepped on his porch, he began to wail
in pain. Clearly, he had concluded that crying half a block away from home was
a waste of tears. When his mother hit the porch, he tearfully told a story of a
mishap that was much more dramatic than anything I had witnessed. He pointed to
a minor wound and screamed as if in major pain. I thought to myself, This little
guy is enjoying this moment!
A whole host of self-absorbed temptations greet us when we treat suffering as something that belongs to us. This passage reminds us that our Suffering belongs to the Lord. It is an instrument of his purpose in us and for others. The way we suffer must put Christ on center stage. The Redeemer owns our disappointment and fear.
P 154
7. What is the redemptive purpose of our Suffering? Pg. 154
He owns our physical and
spiritual pain. He owns those crushing past experiences. He owns our rejection
and aloneness. He owns our dashed expectations and broken dreams. It all
belongs to him for his purpose. When we feel like dying, he calls us to a
greater death. He calls us to die to our Suffering so that we may live for him.
This is not a call to some creepy form of Christian stoicism. It is a call to bring the full range of our Suffering to him. We are to weep loudly and mourn, fully before him, knowing that true comfort can only be found at his feet. We are to place our mourning in his hands, to be used for his purposes in our lives and the lives of others. And it is a promise of comfort from the God who is the source of it all.
The
redemptive purpose in all of this is hope in a fallen world.
God
wants to raise up people filled with hope.
True hope is not rooted in my
achievements or assets but in my knowledge that I am the child of the King. He
loves me with a love that nothing can take away. He has given me his forgiving
and empowering Grace. He is daily changing and maturing me. He has promised to
give me whatever I need to face what comes my way. And he has promised that I
will live with him forever in a place without Suffering, sorrow, or sin. This
means that in the most difficult moments of my life, nothing truly permanent or
valuable is at stake. What I really live for is safe and secure. I don’t know
what tomorrow will bring, but I know that I am in the family of God, eternally
loved and cared for by him. This is real hope.
So this is the paradigm:
purposeful Suffering leads to the experience of God’s comfort, producing the
ability to comfort others, resulting in a community of hope. As we embrace the
fact that God is in our Suffering, we need to keep Paul’s Suffering ➞ comfort ➞ comfort ➞ hope paradigm in view.
8. What are the storytelling guidelines, and what are the goals for us and those suffering? Pgs. 155-159
We must also ask ourselves, “Where has God called me to suffer? How has God used people to make his comfort known to me? What have they said and done? How can I use my experience to comfort others? How can I tell my story in a way that gives hope, rooted in the reality of Christ’s presence and Love?” We can be thankful that Paul not only offers a paradigm but a methodology as well.
Telling Christ-centered Stories
In 2 Corinthians 1, Paul says
that he does not want the Corinthians to be uninformed about his Suffering in
Asia. He wants his story to result in deeper hope, strengthened faith, and
renewed worship among them. Paul’s experiences put flesh and blood on the
promises of God. In them, you see God in action, doing exactly what he promised
to do for his children. As people see God in Paul’s story, they are given eyes
to see God in their own, and they are comforted by this. This is one of the most personal and powerful methodologies
of offering comfort. It presents realities that are deeply theological
in the context of circumstances familiar to anyone in a fallen world. Our
stories take God’s truth to the struggles of life and present strong reasons
not to give up.
If God wants to use your Suffering and his comfort to encourage others, how can you tell your story to accomplish this goal? Paul’s example offers some guidelines in verses 8–11.
Tell your story in a way that breaks down the misconception that you are essentially different from the person you are helping. Have you ever been in a Sunday school class where someone raised her hand and said, “This may be a dumb question, but I was wondering …?” When you hear the question, you are thankful because it was precisely the question you had but were afraid to ask. This happens in relationships too. People assume that they are the only ones with particular problems; they assume that no one else can understand or help. But God wants us to remember that we are just like the people around us—flawed human beings facing very similar difficulties. Redemptive truth is invigorated when it is shared by those willing to reveal the ways they have faced real life.
P 156
Always tell a complete story. Your story needs to include (1) a difficult situation, (2) your struggle in the midst of it, and (3) how God helped you. This is not the “misery loves company” brand of storytelling. This is not disaster one-upmanship. Tell a story that is old enough for you to reflect on how the Lord brought comfort in the middle of it and how he used people to do it.
As you tell your story, be honest in describing your struggles and failures. Your story must highlight God’s Grace in your weakness, not your heroic faith. Be willing to expose your sin so that the redemptive glory of the Lord will live in the ears of the listener. Notice the things Paul says about himself, a man of great faith: We were far beyond our ability to endure … we despaired even of life … in our hearts, we felt the sentence of death. Paul, beyond his ability to endure? Giving in to despair? Paul is willing to rip back the curtain of public reputation and take you into the private corridors of his struggles.
Be discerning and purposeful as you tell your story. Limit the amount of “gory” detail. Your focus is not on the situation but on the God who met you in the middle of it. Notice that Paul gives almost no detail here, yet we are still able to sense the seriousness and drama of his situation.
Always tell your story in a way that makes God the key actor in the drama. Too often, our stories of Christian suffering are incredibly man-centered. We even do this as we tell the great stories of Scripture, focusing on the heroic responses of Moses, David, and Daniel instead of the Lord who sustained them. This turns the great stories of Scripture into moralistic fables with no greater application than “Be like them.” But these stories are only chapters of the one great story of Scripture. God is the Actor. It is his story. Our stories, too, are merely part of the Great Story of redemption. Our stories belong to him and point to him.
Tell your story with humility, admitting your continuing need for Grace. Sometimes we have a way of telling our story that has a “good student learning the ultimate lesson” character to it. It communicates spiritual “arrival” rather than continuing need. We must tell our story out of a fresh recognition of our helplessness apart from the resources we find only in Christ. It may even be appropriate to ask for prayer from the person you are serving. Often, when I ask people how I can pray for them, they ask me the same question in return.
P 157
Always
make it clear that you are not what this person needs—God is. At
best, you are one of God’s instruments, an ambassador who shares a need for
God’s daily mercy and Grace. Personal storytelling is a natural way to
discourage a person’s inclination to develop an unhealthy dependency on you. If
rightly told, your story will encourage people to trust themselves increasingly
to Christ.
The goal of your story should
always be worship. All true hope and comfort are rooted in thankfulness for
God, his character, and his help. Giving hope is about helping a person see the
Lord. Suffering commands our attention and clouds our vision, making it easy to
forget what anchors our faith. Because trouble has such power to blind and
confuse us, it is a sweet grace to have someone come alongside and point us to
the One who is a rock, a fortress, a refuge, a hiding place, and a shield. We
all need someone to remind us that life is not defined by our pain but by our
union with Christ.
Giving hope is more than
convincing people that things will get better or helping them decide what to
do. Giving hope introduces them to a Person. It helps people who are dealing
with the unthinkable to view life from the perspective of God’s glory and Grace
and their identity as his children. As you tell your own story, you help people
to see that the very Suffering that seems to cloud their theology actually
expounds it. It is in the darkest night that the glory of the Redeemer’s Love
and Grace shines brightest. Hope points people toward the Light.
All of this should not only produce hope but deep thankfulness. Perhaps nothing has as much potential to produce true worship as Suffering. Trials reveal critical things about us and wonderful things about God. People discover that there is strength to be found in weakness, Love to be found in the midst of rejection, wisdom to be found in the face of foolishness and that someone is with them even in their most profound loneliness. The result is worship that flows from an experience of the goodness of God. This is the ultimate reason for our personal storytelling.
P 158
Since Suffering is a common
human experience, identifying with Suffering is critical to personal ministry.
We should not greet these moments with fear, for they are moments of unique
opportunity. As we approach suffering people as fellow sufferers and take them
to a Suffering Savior, they can walk away with a stronger faith and a more
heartfelt appreciation of the Lord. Suffering gives people who have been jolted
out of their comfortable lifestyle a reason to stop, look, and listen. It can
help them move out of the confines of their self-absorbed world into the
grandeur of a world where God is central, where hope is rooted in things that
cannot be seen.[2]
Building a relationship in which God’s work can thrive means looking for the entry gates of opportunity in the lives of those God brings your way. It means incarnating the Love of Christ and being willing to disclose your own stories. And there is one more element in the Love function of our personal ministry model.
‣ Element Four: Accept with Agenda
Here again, we follow the example of Christ’s Love for us. The Grace that adopts me into Christ’s family is not a grace that says I am okay. In fact, the Bible is clear that God extends his Grace to me because I am everything but okay. As we enter God’s family, we are in need of radical personal change. God’s acceptance is not a call to relax but a call to work. Paul says in Titus 2:11–12, “For the Grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in this present age.” The Grace God extends to us is always Grace leading to change. His acceptance is not the end of his work; it is the beginning! Our justification must never be separated from our sanctification. They are two parts of a seamless work of redemption.
P 159
Therefore, it is wrong to
approach a struggling brother or sister with a condemning, self-righteous
spirit. This puts you in the way of what the Lord is doing in their lives. You
must grant them the same Grace and love that you received from the Lord. At the
same time, you do not want that offer of Grace to be misunderstood.
God’s Grace is always Grace leading to change. Since God’s purpose is that we
would become “partakers of his divine nature” (2 Peter 1:4), change is his
agenda. As we offer people humble, patient, gentle, forbearing, and forgiving Love,
we must never communicate that it is okay for them to stay as they are. As long
as a vestige of indwelling sin remains, change is God’s call. It must never be
compromised in the relationships he gives us. To do so is to cease to be an
ambassador and to stand in the way of the Lord’s work in that person’s life.
So we sturdily refuse to
condemn, but we also refuse to condone. We accept people with a grace that
empowers us for God’s work of heart change. Anything less cheapens his Grace
and denies the gravity of our needs.
As we seek to minister by
entering into people’s struggles, we look for ways to incarnate the presence
and character of Christ. We come alongside people as brothers and sisters in the
same family, going through the same process. As sufferers who are willing to
tell our own stories, we become windows to the hope and glory of God. Finally,
we offer others the same acceptance we have received from the Lord. It is Grace
that cannot be earned but that always calls us to work. This work is our
calling until we are fully conformed to the image of God’s Son. Relationships
built this way become places where God’s work can thrive. They become places
where people are renewed, restored, rebuilt, and refined, where God is central
and given the glory that is his due.[1]
[1] I
highly recommend two books for further study: When God Weeps, by Joni Eareckson
Tada and Steven Estes (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1997) and Why Does It Have to
Hurt? by Dan G. McCartney (Phillipsburg, N.J.: P&R, 1998).
[2] For
further study, see my article “Keeping Destiny in View: Helping Counselees View
Life from the Perspective of Eternity,” The Journal of Biblical Counseling,
vol. 13.1 (fall 1994), 13–24. This article is also published as a booklet in
the Resources for Changing Lives series, entitled Suffering: Eternity Makes a
Difference.
[1] Tripp, Paul David. 2002. Instruments in the
Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping People in Need of Change.
Resources for Changing Lives. P&R Publishing Company.
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