How do you deal with memories of a tough childhood while trying to be a loving and supportive parent yourself?

Dealing with memories of a tough childhood while striving to be a loving and supportive parent begins with understanding that our parents’ rearing experiences significantly shaped how they raised us, which in turn influences how we parent our own children. Recognizing that our parents, whether right or wrong, need our forgiveness just as we hope for forgiveness from our children is a crucial step. We do not intend to pass on our character defects to our children; instead, we aim to impart the very best of ourselves. However, this is often challenging if we have not first forgiven our parents and gained insight into how their upbringing influenced ours, providing clarity on why we behave as we do. This perspective aligns with Colossians 3:13, which says, “Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”

Intentional self-reflection and healing are crucial for breaking negative cycles. Even if we did not have an ideal childhood, we can learn to be good parents by making sense of our past and integrating those experiences into new opportunities for growth. Proverbs 22:6 instructs, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Being aware of childhood mistakes helps prevent overreacting or projecting unresolved issues onto our children. Professional help, such as counseling and various therapeutic techniques, can be vital in processing trauma. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” Sharing our experiences with those who have more experience with overcoming similar challenges is an integral part of the healing journey.

Self-care is critical, particularly when dealing with chronic issues like depression, anxiety, or trauma. Again, seeking support and professional help is essential not only for ourselves but also for our children’s sake, reflecting Philippians 4:6-7 stating, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Attachment styles from childhood have a profound influence on our relationships, so understanding these patterns is crucial.

Journaling or discussing experiences with trusted friends or a counselor helps clarify how our past impacts our parenting and identifies triggers rooted in our childhood, fostering the transformation described in Romans 12:2, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” While navigating a complicated family history is challenging, we have the power to create a supportive family environment through our dedicated effort, drawing strength from 2 Corinthians 5:17, which says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” This commitment enables us to break cycles and model God’s love, as urged in Ephesians 6:4 (NKJV): “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

While learning about our past is necessary for successful parenting, we must remember that every new parent inherently makes mistakes along the way. As first-time parents, we desire to instill the best experiences in our child’s life, yet we must acknowledge our imperfections, just as our own parents were not perfect. We need to allow for the proverbial learning curve, recognizing that parenting is a process of growth. For instance, what may appear to experienced parents as overprotectiveness in our early years often lessens by the third or fourth child, as we discover our children’s remarkable resilience and ability to manage life without constant shielding, as if in a bubble. Similarly, we must remember that our parents’ actions, which sometimes felt smothering to us in youth, mirror the impact we may have on our own children.

Parenting is new to every first-time parent, but by the time we raise our child to the teen years, we often realize there are aspects of the earlier years we would handle differently—not because we did a poor job, but because hindsight reveals opportunities for improvement. This humility aligns with Ecclesiastes 7:20, stating, “For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin,” and encourages grace toward ourselves, as extended in Micah 7:18-19, “Who is a God like You, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of His heritage? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in mercy. He will again have compassion on us, and will subdue our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” To put it another way, the wisdom that comes from experience is something we must look forward to obtaining through experience.

We may perceive our parenting mistakes as echoes of those our parents made with us, but we can also recognize them as part of a generational cycle awaiting interruption—and we are positioned to break it. These memories of our past, often inherited from our great-grandparents, present us with the opportunity to enact change and halt the transmission of negativity. We can become the family that learns from history, advancing into the future with the assurance that our children will benefit from our transformed patterns, as affirmed in Exodus 20:5-6, “For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.”

Not only can we disrupt negative cycles, but we can also establish new traditions that positively shape our children’s immediate lives and leave a lasting legacy for our grandchildren, fostering a heritage that our great-great-grandparents would be proud of. The choice rests with us. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new” 2 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV. 

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/how-do-you-deal-memories-tough-childhood-while-trying-forefathers-esgxe

How Does God’s Sovereignty Work In Relation To Human Free Will?: The Parent-Child Analogy Remains Optimal For Illustrating Divine Sovereignty Alongside Human Autonomy

The provided text employs the parent-child analogy to explain God’s sovereignty in relation to human free will, depicting God as a compassionate Father who creates humans in His image with the capacity for choice while exercising ultimate authority to fulfill His purposes through discipline, guidance, and predetermined outcomes, as supported by scriptures such as Isaiah 55:8-9, Genesis 1:26-27, and Ephesians 1:11. It highlights that humans may freely accept or reject God. However, He determines the consequences, inviting fellowship and demonstrating patience for repentance, as in Deuteronomy 30:19 and 2 Peter 3:9.

Comprehending the mind of God resembles a child inquiring why specific actions are prohibited, only to receive the parental response, “Because I said so.” From the parents’ perspective, the rationale holds profound significance, rooted in experiences unknown to the child. Explaining such matters entirely is unnecessary, as the parent requires only obedience and trust that they prioritize the child’s well-being. This trust is evidenced through the parents’ provision, protection, and demonstrated love. Yet, the child, lacking a complete understanding of this depth, persists in questioning. Thus, the parent-child relationship offers the most apt framework for elucidating the interplay between God’s sovereignty and human free will, as illustrated in Isaiah 55:8-9, where the Lord declares, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways... For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

God is defined foremost as a Father, having created humanity as His children. As affirmed in Psalm 103:13, “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.” As our sovereign Father, He oversees our lives with loving care until we attain maturity, remaining available for guidance thereafter. Just as earthly parents provide counsel amid life’s choices, God invites us to seek Him for insight and direction, for as Proverbs 2:6 states, “The Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding,” and as Proverbs 3:5-6 urges, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.” Another pertinent illustration is the child welfare system, wherein the State assumes responsibility for orphans until they reach adulthood, typically at age 18. Scripture underscores this duty, commanding in James 1:27 that “religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” Consequently, the parent-child analogy remains optimal for illustrating divine sovereignty alongside human autonomy.

God created the world and all within it, declaring in Genesis 1:1, “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.” He fashioned humanity—His children—to exercise dominion freely over this creation, blessing them in Genesis 1:28 to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” As the omnipotent One, He intervenes in the world at will, revealing Himself as He deems appropriate. Having formed Adam and Eve, the first humans, God elects to engage relationally with His creation. As the Creator of all seen and unseen, He endows humanity with attributes of His choosing, for as Colossians 1:16 affirms, “by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through Him and for Him.”

In crafting humans in His image, God bestowed the capacity for free choice, mirroring His own volition. As stated in Genesis 1:26-27, “Then God said, ‘Let Us make man in Our image, after Our likeness... So God created man in His Own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.’” This likeness enables love, obedience, creativity, and thought. God revealed sufficient aspects of Himself to humanity, allowing them to make informed decisions to reciprocate His love, of their own free will. However, when humanity opted for self-determination, God responded accordingly, imposing consequences as outlined in Genesis 3:17-19 following the fall. The crux lies in accepting God’s prerogative to act as He wills, irrespective of human comprehension.

We are the clay, and God is the potter; He shapes us as vessels for honor or dishonor. As Romans 9:20-21 questions, “But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, ‘Why have you made me like this?’ Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use?” This echoes Isaiah 64:8: “But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” The issue resides not in God’s freedom but in humanity’s propensity to defy the Creator’s directives for our good. Consider a child darting into the street without caution: a parent’s duty demands discipline to avert tragedy. Neglecting this, as in failing to correct perilous behavior, constitutes negligence under the law. Most would concur that such irresponsibility disqualifies one from parenthood. Thus, corrective measures, like discipline, safeguard the child from greater harm, for as Proverbs 13:24 warns, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him,” and as Hebrews 12:6 explains, “For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.”

The notion of parental neglect in equipping children for life’s challenges exemplifies irresponsibility. Parents, drawing from experience, act in what they perceive as the child’s best interest, though imperfections—mistakes, failures, and triumphs—are inherent to the process. Judging a parent solely on isolated incidents overlooks their holistic life, akin to the adage against judging a book by its cover, and reflective of Matthew 7:1-2: “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.”

In the parent-child dynamic, parents typically conceive children with intentions for their upbringing, aspiring for them to become well-adjusted societal contributors—perhaps leaders, entrepreneurs, or influencers fostering positive change. However, the child’s free will may diverge from these plans. Parents guide and provide, but outcomes remain uncertain. In contrast, God’s sovereignty ensures fulfillment of His purposes, for as Ephesians 1:11 describes, “In Him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of Him Who works all things according to the counsel of His will,” and as Proverbs 19:21 confirms, “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”

Unlike human parents, constrained by unforeseen events, God orchestrates from the end backward, envisioning ultimate goals and interweaving elements to realize them. While parents might plan financially for education or retirement, God aligns intricate details across generations—such as marital unions benefiting descendants and myriad others—demonstrating sovereignty over time and eternity, declaring in Isaiah 46:10, “the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all My purpose.’”

Accepting this overarching divine control poses significant challenges. Nevertheless, if one affirms Genesis 1:1’s creation ex nihilo and the ensuing divine plan, the redemption narrative follows logically. The obstacle stems from humanity’s illusion of ultimate control over destiny. We may choose to accept or reject God, but consequences are His domain, for as Deuteronomy 30:19 proclaims, “I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live,” and as Joshua 24:15 challenges, “And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve... But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Similarly, children select obedience or defiance, but parents determine repercussions, exercising this wisely to preserve the child’s spirit, as Ephesians 6:4 instructs: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

These analogies underscore the parent-child paradigm, revealing God’s involvement in all aspects of existence—from seeds germinating through apparent death, to waves sculpting shores, to the miracle of human development and relational cycles. As Psalm 139:13-14 celebrates, “For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.” Such joys originate in God, our Father, who delights in our free choice of fellowship with Him, inviting in Revelation 3:20: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with Me.” Tragically, free will can lead to relational estrangement, driven by immature notions of superiority, yet underscoring the patience in 2 Peter 3:9: “The Lord is not slow to fulfill His promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”

 

While this brief look at the Sovereignty of God and the Free will of man produced a parochial view at best, it is wise to remember that the underlying foundation of the dual topic at its heart is the Providence of God controlling all that we see and do not. Thus, the subject would be remiss not to mention the Patriarch of the Old Testament, Joseph.

Stephen Charnock, in his work on the subject of the Divine Providence of God, spoke of Joseph and ‘God Accomplishing His Righteous Ends’ in the following manner.

“God has His hand in all sinful actions to accomplish His righteous ends. When Joseph was sold to the Ishmaelites, it was an act of his brothers, but sending him into Egypt was an act of God:

[Joseph said to his brothers,] “It was not you who sent me here, but God.” (Gen. 45:8)

He had sent a man ahead of them,

Joseph, who was sold as a slave. (Ps. 105:17)

Joseph ascribes his situation to God rather than his brothers. Their wicked intention was to be rid of him and to keep him from tattling on them to their father.

God’s gracious intention was to send Joseph to Egypt for the Lord’s honor and the family’s good. To achieve this, He used the brothers’ sinfulness to bring about His gracious purpose. The brothers’ intentions were wicked, but God’s end was righteous.”¹

Charnock drives home the two seemingly opposing points of view through God’s Divine Providence, using man’s sinful actions to bring about Glory and Honor for Himself. While we mere particles of dust in the corridors of time may not comprehend the mind of God in matters of these, it is best to accept that we have God working on our behalf who foreordained and planned for our stubborn, stiff-necked, uncircumcised philistine characteristics, making a way for us to receive forgiveness and the hope of everlasting life. We may not know what our future holds, but we can know who holds our future; do you?

¹Charnock, Stephen. 2022. p 54 Divine Providence: A Classic Work for Modern Readers. Edited by Carolyn B. Whiting. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing.

The Potter and the Clay Jeremiah 18:1-17 NLT

 “The LORD gave another message to Jeremiah. He said, “Go down to the potter’s shop, and I will speak to you there.” So I did as He told me and found the Potter working at his wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay again and started over. Then the LORD gave me this message:

“O Israel, can I not do to you as this Potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the Potter’s hand, so are you in My hand. If I announce that a particular nation or kingdom is to be uprooted, torn down, and destroyed, but then that nation renounces its evil ways, I will not destroy it as I had planned. And if I announce that I will plant and build up a particular nation or kingdom, but then that nation turns to evil and refuses to obey Me, I will not bless it as I said I would.

“Therefore, Jeremiah, go and warn all Judah and Jerusalem. Say to them, ‘This is what the LORD says:

I am planning disaster for you instead of good. So turn from your evil ways, each of you, and do what is right.’”

God’s Warning Rejected

But the people replied, “Don’t waste your breath. We will continue to live as we want to, stubbornly following our own evil desires.”

So this is what the LORD says:

“Has anyone ever heard of such a thing, even among the pagan nations? My virgin daughter, Israel, has done something terrible! Does the snow ever disappear from the mountaintops of Lebanon? Do the cold streams flowing from those distant mountains ever run dry? But My people are not so reliable, for they have deserted Me; they burn incense to worthless idols. They have stumbled off the ancient highways and walk in muddy paths. Therefore, their land will become desolate, a monument to their stupidity. All who pass by will be astonished and will shake their heads in amazement. I will scatter My people before their enemies as the east wind scatters dust. And in all their trouble, I will turn My back on them and refuse to notice their distress.” …

Giving Up Control May Be Difficult For Us.

When we finally come to the end of ourselves, we believe we are entirely ready for God to heal us, but we still may want to control how He does it. We are so used to calling the shots that we will ask for God’s help as long as He does it on our terms. We may demand that the changes happen on our timetable or in the order we feel ready to give them up. God does not work that way. That is why humility is such an essential part of surrendering our lives to God.

God told Jeremiah to go to the Potter’s shop to learn a lesson. Jeremiah said, “I did as he told me and found the Potter working at his wheel. But the jar he was making did not turn out as he had hoped, so he crushed it into a lump of clay and started again. Then the LORD gave me this message: . . . ‘Can I not do to you as this Potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the Potter’s hand, so are you in My hand.”

God told Isaiah, “What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot ever argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you are doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’” (Isaiah 45:9).

When we put our lives in God’s hands, He will reshape us as He sees fit. It is our humility that allows us to accept the fact that He is the Creator. Our new life may be similar to the one we left behind or entirely different. Regardless, God is the master craftsman over our lives. Whatever He does, we can trust that He will recreate our life beautifully, once we get out of His way!

The parable not only illustrates God’s sovereignty over the nation of Judah, but over our lives as well. God had power over the clay (Judah), and He would continue to work with it to make it a useful vessel. But Judah needed to repent soon, or else the clay would harden the wrong way. Then it would be worth nothing and would be broken and destroyed.

As the Potter molded or shaped a clay pot on the Potter’s wheel, defects would often appear. The Potter had power over the clay, to permit the defects to remain or to reshape the pot. Likewise, God has the power to reshape the nation to conform to His purposes.

Our strategy should not be to become mindless and passive—one aspect of clay—but to be willing and receptive to God’s impact on us. As we yield to God, he begins reshaping us into valuable vessels to be used for His purposes.

Our society admires assertiveness, independence, and sometimes even defiance of authority. In a relationship with God, these qualities become stubbornness, self-importance, and refusal to listen or change. Left unchecked, stubbornness becomes a way of life, making us hostile to God.

God gave the people of Judah the warnings they needed to avoid judgment, but they would not repent and turn from their idols. They preferred their own sinful ways to God’s ways. God’s ways are simple: His paths are straight; His burden is light. But we, at times, become stubborn, proud, and arrogant, choosing to do things our own way—a way that leads ultimately to despair and pain.

May we learn the lesson of the clay in the Potter’s hands. May we be pliable and flexible, not rigid and stubborn. May we remember we are but vessels in the hands of our maker to be used for His purpose to bring honor and glory to Him, not to ourselves.

Questions for Personal Application

1. Where in my life am I resisting God’s shaping?

2. How do I respond when God’s reshaping feels uncomfortable or painful?

3. In what ways have pride or stubbornness hardened my heart toward God’s correction?

4. What might God be asking me to “turn from” so He can begin a new work in me?

5. Am I willing to be a vessel for God’s purposes, even if it means letting go of my own plans or identity?

Prayer: In the Hands of the Potter

Father, You are the Potter, and I am the clay. Forgive me for the times I have resisted Your shaping and insisted on my own way. I confess that I often want control over how and when You work in my life, yet Your ways are higher and wiser than mine. So today, I surrender my will to You.

Crush and remake what is flawed within me, Lord. Remove the hardness of pride, stubbornness, and self-reliance that keep me from becoming who You’ve called me to be. Make me pliable in Your hands—humble, teachable, and responsive to Your Spirit.

Even when Your work feels uncomfortable, help me to trust that You are forming something beautiful and purposeful out of my life. Shape me into a vessel that brings honor to You, not to myself. May my life reflect Your craftsmanship and bring glory to Your name.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

In the Hands of the Potter Jeremiah 18:1-17 NLT https://biblia.com/bible/nlt/jeremiah/18/1-17